Goodbye Cherry Tomatoes

Garden Update

I've picked cherry tomatoes till I'm tired of picking them. Some weeks I'd pick a gallon of them every other day. Although I remember picking cherry tomatoes as late as November last year. This year once the lower clusters ripened and were picked. The clusters ripened in turn following up the plant. Once only the tops were left the lower half of the plants began to wilt and yellow. Having picked another pint today I plucked up all twelve plants out of the garden. I also got rid of the last of my zucchini plants. Most of the cucumbers had died back as well, so they got tossed too.

I pruned my Heatwave Tomatoes back and liberally applied fungicide to all the tomatoes, which seems to have helped the blight problem. I transplanted the remaining jalapeños out of the way. I planted about a 12' x 12' square of Merit corn on four rows at the end of the garden. I'm planting about half a row of Blue Lake pole beans and a half row of speckled butter beans. This isn't a fall garden being that it will be ready for picking late August, but I planted my garden in early March this year before the last frost. I plan on replanting again in August for the fall with other vegetables. It's been fun but also a lot of work.

Grace Where It's Needed Most

I've been so excited to catch up with some old friends these past few weeks, but I'm sort of heartbroken by the heartaches that many have gone through. Why are those most in need of grace kicked when they're down? When given glaring opportunities to be "Christ-like," why have so many thrown rocks instead? There are few things that boil my blood as much as self-righteousness and downright meanness. I've been so disappointed to find that the most religious people I've caught up with have been the most distant, cold, and aloof, and I've spent the last 10 years in the church for crying out loud! Without fail the first question is where are you pastoring? where did you preach last Sunday? are you going to church anywhere? followed by bewilderment and suggestions of places I should try. Are these really the things that matter most? Is this how we value people and size them up, by their church attendance?

I ran into an old friend I used to work with years ago today. It was so good to see him. It was good to hear his story. It was good to feel like nothing has changed between us although we hadn't seen each other since God knows when. I turned to leave when he asked me, "are you still preaching?" I may have surprised myself as much as him when I turned back and replied without hesitation, "No man, I quit." A short conversation followed to explain what I meant. I've had a lot of those conversations. Funny, how those who aren't dyed in the wool are so willing and eager to talk about spiritual things. I haven't asked one person about where they go to church and what they believe. They've been all too free to offer the information, wanting to talk with someone who understands where they're coming from.

I'm slowly beginning to float to the surface of this deep sea of questions I've been sinking in. I'm beginning to see some semblance of a real world faith emerge before me that I can embrace and live. One conversation after another, a view of the mission is coming into focus. If Paul was the apostle to the Gentiles, the outsiders, is it too presumptuous of me to ask God to let me be like Jesus, a friend of sinners, and I chief among them?

Marking Time

I'm sure you've heard as many theories offered as I have for what Jesus wrote in the dirt that day that drove away the accusers of a woman caught in adultery. One of the more popular beliefs is that Jesus began writing out specific sins of her accusers. I think there is a certain danger in reading into scripture what's not there. Too much of it has already been meddled with thru the years from copy to copy. It seems many people struggle to grasp the simple humanity of Jesus and find it hard to believe he could have lived his life as a mere man.

Can you imagine all of the shrines, the denominations, the religious relics that would have been built around the drawing of Jesus in the sand had it only been recorded? I'm glad it was trampled on. Too much of religious tradition focuses on the "what" and not the "why." I believe the intent and the spirit of what could be holy has been lost on making sure we get it just right. I think it was Rob Bell who suggested in his book Velvet Elvis that by writing in the dirt Jesus was simply "marking time." It afforded time for cooler heads to prevail and simple words to disarm self-righteousness, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

"Marking time" is a good description for these hot Louisiana summer days. Aside from a few grueling road trips to Florida for work. Time is dragging on slowly and lazily with all of us around the house for a change. We've been "passing the time" reading, playing, watching movies, and picking vegetables from our garden. We've been tracking down old friends on the internet, and I've been doing much neglected work on my family tree searching for memories and discovering old stories.

I am keenly aware of what time it is, what time it has been. I know that these hot summer days are elusive as the sand, and fall will wash them out to sea for another year. I know that these footprints pressed into Florida sand by feet five years and counting were gone by morning. I know that in time I will be a name and dates on some one's forgotten limb.

We hear too much of "wars and rumors of wars" these days. The powers that be have given us a new "hill on which to die," yet another ideological struggle that spills every one's blood but their own. These battles aren't waged on mountains but on piles of sand, and the tide is coming. Life isn't about being right. It's about being together. So we wait... marking time, making memories together.

Love and Duty

The Painted Veil with Naomi Watts and Edward Norton is a powerful story of love unreturned, love betrayed, love rejected, love scorned, love demonstrated, love made, and love lost. Kitty (Naomi Watts) opts to marry Dr. Walter Fane (Edward Norton), even though she doesn't love him, just to get as far away from her mother as she can. The new bride far from home in China has an affair with an Englishman. When their secret is discovered, her husband gives the ultimatum to join him in the heart of a cholera epidemic deep in China or immediate divorce for adultery. Rejected by her lover she finds herself cut off from the rest of the world in the midst of enormous human suffering where their relationship is tested to the breaking point.

I find the parallels between romantic love and religous devotion unending. Consider the following exchange between the head of the convent and Mrs. Fane (Naomi Watts):

Mother Superior: Dr. Fane told me he wanted you to leave but you would not.
Mrs. Fane: I didn't want to leave you.
Mother Superior: Yes, and we appreciate it, dear child, but I think you did not want to leave him either.
Mrs. Fane: Well, it's my duty.
Mother Superior: Duty is only washing your hands when they are dirty.

Mother Superior: I fell in love when I was 17... with God. A foolish girl with romantic notions about the life of a religious, but my love was passionate. Over the years my feelings have changed. He's disappointed me. Ignored me. We've settled into a life of peaceful indifference. The old husband and wife who sit side by side on the sofa, but rarely speak. He knows I'll never leave Him. This is my duty. But when love and duty are one, then grace is within you.

Many people stay married for no better reason than they have for going to church, a sense of duty or obligation. Obligatory church attendance holds about as much passion as an arranged marriage. I have also lost respect for people who stay married till "death do us part." I respect most those who stay in love, who work at love, who make love. I know many people who just live under the same roof, though they merit some recognition for not killing each other, but their love is unspoken, unexpressed, and maybe absent altogether. Those are not the kinds of relationships we should aspire to nor settle for.

The Bible is not a rule book, nor a list of doctrines. It is above all else a love story between the Creator and the created. While God's love may be the one constant in the universe, we are reminded throughout that our love is frail. We must "catch the little foxes that ruin the vineyards," for "the love of many will grow cold." We must be passionate in our love making and our praying.

We make an effort to grow in love every day not because we have to, but because we want to. This is not a place we have to be. It is the place that we want to be and this is the one we want to be with. Then love and duty are one, and there we find grace.

Faith Into Action

Ok, I read The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong in less than half a day. I couldn't put it down. I think I'll have to re-read parts of it again a few times just because they resonated with me so strongly. I still have a lot to think about based on what I read.

I think the closure of the book for me was the different ways in which to view faith, and how faith differs from belief. 1) For some faith is something you believe in, doctrines, mythology, or both. 2) For others faith is a conscious choice apart from ascertainable fact, and yet 3) for others faith is not what you believe or choose but rather what you do. I personally feel I'm vacillating somewhere between a choice and action. As a matter of fact, I just cannot drink the kool-aid anymore. So I'm struggling to choose faith despite the head-on collision with reason.

Karen's illumination of modern Jewish and Muslim traditions really helped to illustrate how faith is an action even more than a belief. Neither she nor I am trying to say that Jews or Muslims do not believe, because certainly they have strong religious convictions. The way that I understand her point is that for Jews right action took precedent over right belief, although following the law was a means to right action. The end product of behavior was the final determinant of right religion. I also understood her to be saying that the Seven Pillars of Islam place emphasis on action over belief also. Something akin to Jesus saying where your treasure is your heart will be also. Not that belief doesn't matter for Muslims but perhaps that belief will follow action in time. Far too long fundamentalist Christians have been trying to shove a semi load full of infallible doctrine down our throats that stand in direct contradiction to science and modernity.

I'm not sure that belief will come naturally later on down the road for all. I'm beginning to think that if your particular faith positively improves your interaction with others then it is noble, regardless of what differences we have in beliefs. Perhaps the greatest commandment is the only commandment that we should love God with all that we are and love our fellow man as we love ourselves. I'm beginning to see some light from the far end of this tunnel.

I'm humbled and appreciative of her observation:

"The best theologians and teachers have never been afraid to admit that in the last resort, there may be Nothing out there. That is why they spoke of a God who in some sense did not exist."

I have realized in recent years that at the end of the day I might indeed be wrong and others be right. What a strange irony that in losing hope we may find a way forward. That in losing our life we indeed may find it at last.

Climbing The Spiral Staircase

From The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong:

I remembered a Jesuit telling us once during a retreat that faith was not really an intellectual assent but an act of will. Christians could accept their essentially incredible tradition only by making a deliberate choice to believe. You could not prove or disprove these doctrines, but you could consciously decide to take them on trust. They might even turn out to be true. But somewhere along the line, I had given up. I could no longer summon up the emotional or spiritual energy to make that choice. I felt tired out, drained, and slightly repelled by it all. I was finished with God; and God - if he existed at all - had long ago finished with me.

For years faith for me was an "intellectual assent" held loosely together by the "infallibility" of scripture and a willful ignorance of an alternative. Once I stopped suppressing my questions and exposed myself to the world of possibilities, faith would have to be a choice made against the grain of reason or abandoned altogether. I'm standing now somewhere near the crossroads trying to find a middle ground between self-induced delusion and apostasy. Karen Armstrong has become a new found friend on this road to find the middle way.

We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind.
"Ode: Intimations of Immortality," William Wordsworth

My Father's Day Presents

I got this cool new wine fridge from my wife & kids for Father's Day, plus some new LSU Shirts & a Cap. How cool is that? My old cooler went out after a year and was small. This sucker olds 28 bottles! Salute!

Reconnecting

For the last couple weeks I've been trying to get back in touch with old friends, some I haven't seen in a very long time. It's been fun tracking down some of them and catching up with others. I've been thinking about why this is important to me.

Admittedly the first few years after high school were nuts working our way through college, but pastoring churches consumes your life. Your life revolves around the life cycle of the church and the crises that erupt continuously. I never thought I was better than my old friends, even though a lot of them didn't run in the same church circles that I did. I just didn't have time for friends outside of the church. That's quite a realization when you consider the primary mission of the church should be to befriend those outside the church. Truthfully, the church is a good place to get lost. It's easy to get wrapped up in this safe coddled little world of people who think, look, and live like we do yet manage to find plenty to disagree about. I believe that ministry can be extremely isolating even to the detriment of our health, our marriages, and relationships.

For all that I tried to do, the number one criticism I received from any of the churches that I pastored was that I did not visit the church members enough. I agree. It was a constant source of guilt for me, because the list of people to see was never ending. I fell into crisis management mode and resorted to putting out fires wherever they popped up. At least there was some sort of satisfaction in knowing that you were there for people when they most needed someone, but as the years passed since then, those countless hours, tears, and prayers are forgotten. Those same people I counted as friends have no use for me now. In the meantime of eight to ten years I neglected so many of my friends and family members to give my life to those I didn't even know. I find myself here now alone, feeling like I disappointed everyone. What did it get me? Oh, that's right. It wasn't about me.

So, I'm trying now to reconnect to old friends and family members. I have no delusions. Time has been lost. Distance lies between many of us. Though it can be lessened, it will not be erased. We've missed so much time. I feel that I owe many an apology but have mostly tried to communicate how much they have meant to me. I've made new friends along the way, most on my way out of the church. I'm grateful for them.

I'm reminded of what Richard Bach had to say about friendship. This is a compilation of my favorite quotes:

Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? Don't be dismayed by good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof. The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.

In her book Silver Boxes: The Gift of Encouragement Florence Littauer said that our words should be a gift given to a friend like little silver boxes with bows on top. A special friend who literally lives on the opposite side of the planet from me gave me such a little silver box this week when she wrote me a beautiful message that ended with these words, "You have a special place in our hearts. I have a family here by birth, but you are my family there by choice." I hope you cherish your friendships and find joy in one another.

AFI's Top 100 Movies

I'm a bit overwhelmed by the number of movies I haven't seen on the list, so I'm starting with the goal of seeing the top 10 and working my way down the list. Surely I can do it. A few may take some extra effort, but I'm going to get it done.

AFI's Top 10 of Top 100 Movies, 100 Years:
1. Citizen Kane (1941)
2. Casablanca (1942)
3. The Godfather (1972)
4. Gone With the Wind (1939)
5. Lawerence Of Arabia (1962)
6. The Wizard Of Oz (1939)
7. The Graduate (1967)
8. On the Waterfront (1954)
9. Schindler's List (1993)
10. Singin' In the Rain (1952)

Blog Post Gets Published

My thanks to The Town Talk for publishing a recent blog post of mine, "17 More Months?". You can find it on their site here, "Vote Now, Vote Often".

The Sopranos Shocker

What the ?

The funny thing is that I had T.S. Elliot's "The Hollow Men" running through my head this afternoon,

This is the way the world ends.
This is the way the world ends.
This is the way the world ends.
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Ok, so Phil got whacked then unfortunately had his crushed by his own car. That was pretty cool. Paulie and the cat cracked me up. The cat staring at Christopher's picture was freakin hilarious.

I thought I forgot to pay my cable bill when the ending happened, or I should say didn't happen. I guess it ends the way you imagine it does. Definitely will have people talking. For what its worth I don't think Tony would have gotten whacked in the diner with his family. He made his peace with NY and Little Carmine. I think the meeting with Junior foreshadowed Tony's own impending trial.

All in all, I think the ending was appropriate. It left the door wide open for a come back or a movie. Moreover, it left the imagination to decide the ending. One hell of a ride, T.

********************************************************

Update: David Chase breaks silence on end of The Sopranos

Changes & Conversations

You know, for the first time in a really long time I feel comfortable in my own skin. Well, for the last couple years actually, but that's saying a lot considering how long I lived in a glass bowl swimming in circles trying to please everybody and be all things to all people. Enough. Reminds me of hearing John Maxwell talk about the Apostle Paul. He asked, "what can you do to a man who's not afraid of dying?" I'm not looking to check out of here anytime soon, but I don't have to live in the people-pleaser business anymore.

I can be myself without fear of being fired for it, which is incredibly liberating. Being self-employed has had an equally empowering effect in my life. Granted, it's tough at times. Feast or famine. You want it? You have to go out and make it happen, but being able to decide when, where, and how you get it done fits my personality so much better than punching a clock. I don't like limits. I love freedom. Doesn't everyone? I'm not sure sometimes.

I love being able to ask questions. Why are people so threatened by questions? I love to imagine possibilities. Why does it only have to be one way? I love to make new friends. Why does it have to be "us" vs. "them"?

We had about 30 people come through our house today for a birthday party. I thought about how many genuine connections I made today, and they were only a few. Beyond the "hey how are you's" and "good to see you's" there's not much connection happening by default. It reminded me a lot of church, how people come in and out to watch the same show for an hour. It doesn't mean they connected with each other any more than the people watching the $4.50 matinee. Connection takes intention.

I'm running into more and more people who are in similar places in life, somewhere between where they were and where they're going. So many people have lost faith in the church but still have deep spiritual convictions and tough questions. I love those people. Those are great conversations. Good friendships come from listening and wondering together. It's so much easier to have meaningful conversations with people when you don't have to steer the conversation to make your point, get your angle, or push your cause. People really open up over a cold beer or a nice cup of coffee. There's a cool moment in the conversation when they realize you're not pushing anything, you're not judging them, you're actually interested in them for who they are. It's like they just relax and set at ease. It's fun to take the trip together just to see where the road ends.

Leave a comment, hang out for a while, dig in the fridge, change the channel. Mi casa, su casa. I'm going fix a drink. Here's to good conversation!

Farce of the Penguins

WARNING: NOT FOR KIDS!!!
BUT FREAKIN' HILARIOUS

By far one of the funniest movies I've seen in a while. If you're easily offended, don't even bother. This is The Aristocrats meets Animal Planet. It's written and produced by Bob Saget who is, contrary to nice guy TV Land image, a real sick puppy. It's narrated by Samuel L. Jackson and features voice overs by some of the best comics in the business. Lewis Black is Bob Saget's penguin buddy and freakin nuts. I can't even quote much of the movie without violating some FCC regulation I'm sure, so just watch it.

Is Loving God Enough?

My cousin posted a blog entry recently that got me thinking. I'm posting my comment to it here so that you might add to the discussion. Her basic idea was that loving God is the most basic responsibility we have and will be accountable for and that a lot of the do's and don'ts are added on by others to make a relationship with God complicated and impossible.

What a loaded question. I'm agreeing with you here but must play the "devil's advocate" just because these are questions I'm thinking about. I'm just thinking as I write. If "loving" is all we are accountable for, didn't Jesus say that if we love him that we should "keep his commandments?" Of course, I would counter that the Bible also says that his commandments are not burdensome, i.e. his yolk is light. Perhaps it is we who make them seem burdensome.

A huge part of the problem is that most people look at the Bible like an algebra equation of which every book must agree with all of the other books. I think the more appropriate view is to look at the Bible as a record of the evolving nature of how people understand and relate to God. So that some of what happens earlier on may in fact stand in direct contrast to what we find in the New Testament because people as a whole evolved in their understanding. Think just how much we evolve personally in our relation to God in just a few years time then compound it by thousands of years of history and thousands of different perspectives collaborating into a clearer expression. Another large part of the problem is that like it or not, a lot of the Bible is editorial commentary. It demands an entire science of stripping down extraneous material to get back at what was said that inspired so much thought.

Another basic question is "how do you love God?" Yes, I know, "keep his commandments." But aside from rule keeping, how do you do it? I'm reminded that Jesus also said if we want to express our love for God that we should love others, in particular the unlovable. For a moment set aside "keeping commandments" and "loving others." At it's most basic level in a vacuum where only you and God exist, how do you love Him? How do you love someone/something immeasurably grand and awesome? On some level isn't your love really based on fear, as it was in the beginning of the OT? I don't think fear is the same as love. The Bible also says that perfect love casts out all fear. Maybe it is awe & wonder that we really feel and call it love for God? Maybe we move past being "afraid" of Him and stand in wonder and awe. How can you move past loving God for fear of retribution or for desire for acceptance? Is it possible to love Him purely without fear or expectation?

I'm going off the deep end now, so beware, but could it be that we go amiss thinking about "loving God" as an emotion felt for a person? At its best, we aspire to an idea, a belief system, a way of living. Religion, even Christianity, seems more and more like a coping mechanism to me, a framework through which we can engage the enormity of time/space and the finality and smallness of ourselves within.

You wouldn't know it by looking at the current political landscape in America or the culture of the deep South, but I believe the role of religion in everyday life is gradually being diminished, albeit at glacial speeds, as people become more and more educated and communication barriers are broken down through technology and freedom of expression. I think the nature of personal religious beliefs will continue to evolve, and I believe only fools and the mentally ill will continue to embrace fundamentalism. Just thinking.

17 More Months?

Is it really necessary to wait until next November to replace Pres. Bush? Even then it won't be until mid-January when his successor would take office, then a couple months to get the new cabinet installed and confirmed. By this rate it would be two years before change would take place. I say if American Idol can hold a vote in four hours and release the results the next day, so can the American electorate. Let's line up all the candidates, have Simon rake them over, then let us vote. A Bush resignation or impeachment would help nothing with Cheney and Pelosi in line for the throne. At the rate Bush is going we're going to restart the Cold War in a few weeks. It's time to go back to Crawford and chop some wood. I say voting begins at 9pm/8pm Central. Don't forget you can vote as many times as you like!

Giant Cherry Tomatoes

Garden Update:

Ok, I've got tomatoes coming out my ears. I'm picking about a quart of cherry tomatoes and at least two nice size tomatoes every day. There are usually four or five cucumbers ready every week. The bell peppers and jalapeños are shiny green and good sized. The squash and zucchini... Well, they taste great, but I've had a heck of a time with powdery mildew and yellowing leaves, although the blossom-end rot has subsided. The plants are just nasty looking and laying all over my other plants. I'm about to pluck up the zucchini and plant some pole beans or more cucumbers in their place.

Oh, my cherry tomatoes are over 9 feet tall, and that's after I cut them off. People have been accusing me of not pruning them when I say this, but I have pruned them constantly removing any "suckers," new shoots. The main stem is over 9' feet tall. I cut them off at the top of the new 10' PVC pipe I'm using for stakes now. Why cut them off any shorter when they're loaded with clusters all the way up to the top. I've just about picked all the cherry tomatoes on the lowest clusters up to about 2-3 feet up the plant. The newest clusters are still forming at the top. I can't give them away quick enough! It's been fun.

Small Block White

2006 Timbuktu Small Block White, Austrailia

I picked up this wine with several others on a clearance table recently. It seemed like an interesting table wine with a curious blend. It didn't disappoint. It's a blend of Verdehlo 62%, Viognier 15%, Chardonnay 10%, Semillon 8%, and Riesling 5%. It's a smooth refreshing wine, similar to Sauvignon Blanc but milder with a soft sweetness. It has interesting unfamiliar flavors with the Viognier and Semillon. It's just a very easy to drink enjoyable white that goes well with many dishes. I read that Austrailia wines emphasize the end product rather than tradition and process. From the curious blend to high tech process to packaging, this is an example of a focus on taste. I liked it so much I went back and got several more bottles while still on clearance. For $5 you can't go wrong with this one.