Why I Can't Give Up?
There is a process at work in the body of Christ of deconstructing/constructing, demerging/emerging, detoxing/recovering, etc. that I have been chronicling and experiencing first hand for a few years. I believe that before we can go forward spiritually healthy and on-target with respect to purpose and mission we must identify all of those things that have become part of the religious experience of Christendom that are foreign to the true nature of the body of Christ. Because this is a process we are engaged in and not simply a decision or belief system we subscribe to, it is messy. One of the criticisms made of people on this journey, like myself, is that we are indecisive or lacking in conviction, but one of the dangers I've found in the 3D part of this journey (deconstructing/demerging/detoxing) is that negativity can become toxic if not kept in check.
It is always easier to identify the wrongs in other people and systems, but it is much more difficult to make the necessary changes in ourselves and be a positive agent for change. While voices crying in the wilderness are needed, at some point there must be a guide to get us out of the wilderness and back to the business we are called to be about. Painful past experiences in the church or general disillusion with the current establishment can and has led many believers away from the church, which may not be a bad thing, but the process is incomplete if we do not reconstruct, emerge, and recover into a new dynamic that is healthier.
One of the foundational components of the life of a follower of Jesus Christ is a real and personal relationship with the Master. For me and many others this journey has led us to a deeper, more meaningful encounter with the living Christ. Some people believe that Christianity can be practiced in a vacuum, that the church is optional as long as you have a personal relationship with Christ. I have come to know that the Church is not optional, although many churches are unhealthy. For the past few days I've been reflecting on the fact that the Church is not optional for me.
I have struggled with trying to regroup within a new kind of community. While I've found a number of people with similar frustrations regarding programmed church, many of them have stalled in the process by not going through the 3D process and emerging on the other side in a new kind of community. I think negativity and bitterness have derailed many people in the church, and many others just don't see the point anymore. While I'm tempted to agree with the latter, I know there is a point. There are three reasons why I can't give up.
First, there is the issue of Calling for me. While I shutter to think of myself pastoring again in the traditional vocational sense, I cannot leave the Church because the Church didn't call me. I would consider myself disqualified for the calling had I ever been qualified in the first place. While I am forced to reevaluate and reinterpret the calling God placed on my life in light of the journey I am on, I cannot deny that it took place, because it was confirmed in my life in undeniable ways. I'm still in the middle of trying to reconcile my calling with where I am and where I am going, nonetheless it is always with me reminding me that I am not my own.
Secondly, I have a deep innate desire to experience Community, real authentic Christian community. I am very grateful for the relationship I have with my wife and a few close friends who understand me and help me process life, but I think we have a God given desire to belong to a larger community, i.e. our kinsmen, our tribe, our nation, and our fellow man. A small group is a vital part of the body of Christ, but it is only a small part and incomplete without the diversity and strength of the rest of the body.
Lastly and tandem to community, I have a passionate desire for Worship. While some of the most intimate worship experiences of my life were those I had alone with God. There is something indescribable about the corporate worship of Christ followers ablaze with the presence of God in their midst. No man is an island. There are entire dynamics of the body of Christ that we will never know apart from the corporate experience of the body of Christ. It is an act of humility, vulnerability, and love to take this journey with others.
While I am resolute not to give up on the Church, I don't know what, if any, local fellowship I will inevitably be in. None of us are perfect. Do we gather with those most like us? Do we form a new gathering? Do we gather with those who need our help the most? All I know is that we must keep gathering.
