Words Less Spoken

Goodbye Cherry Tomatoes

2007-06-30T17:02:00.000-05:00

Garden Update

I've picked cherry tomatoes till I'm tired of picking them. Some weeks I'd pick a gallon of them every other day. Although I remember picking cherry tomatoes as late as November last year. This year once the lower clusters ripened and were picked. The clusters ripened in turn following up the plant. Once only the tops were left the lower half of the plants began to wilt and yellow. Having picked another pint today I plucked up all twelve plants out of the garden. I also got rid of the last of my zucchini plants. Most of the cucumbers had died back as well, so they got tossed too.

I pruned my Heatwave Tomatoes back and liberally applied fungicide to all the tomatoes, which seems to have helped the blight problem. I transplanted the remaining jalapeños out of the way. I planted about a 12' x 12' square of Merit corn on four rows at the end of the garden. I'm planting about half a row of Blue Lake pole beans and a half row of speckled butter beans. This isn't a fall garden being that it will be ready for picking late August, but I planted my garden in early March this year before the last frost. I plan on replanting again in August for the fall with other vegetables. It's been fun but also a lot of work.

Grace Where It's Needed Most

2007-06-28T01:18:00.000-05:00

I've been so excited to catch up with some old friends these past few weeks, but I'm sort of heartbroken by the heartaches that many have gone through. Why are those most in need of grace kicked when they're down? When given glaring opportunities to be "Christ-like," why have so many thrown rocks instead? There are few things that boil my blood as much as self-righteousness and downright meanness. I've been so disappointed to find that the most religious people I've caught up with have been the most distant, cold, and aloof, and I've spent the last 10 years in the church for crying out loud! Without fail the first question is where are you pastoring? where did you preach last Sunday? are you going to church anywhere? followed by bewilderment and suggestions of places I should try. Are these really the things that matter most? Is this how we value people and size them up, by their church attendance?

I ran into an old friend I used to work with years ago today. It was so good to see him. It was good to hear his story. It was good to feel like nothing has changed between us although we hadn't seen each other since God knows when. I turned to leave when he asked me, "are you still preaching?" I may have surprised myself as much as him when I turned back and replied without hesitation, "No man, I quit." A short conversation followed to explain what I meant. I've had a lot of those conversations. Funny, how those who aren't dyed in the wool are so willing and eager to talk about spiritual things. I haven't asked one person about where they go to church and what they believe. They've been all too free to offer the information, wanting to talk with someone who understands where they're coming from.

I'm slowly beginning to float to the surface of this deep sea of questions I've been sinking in. I'm beginning to see some semblance of a real world faith emerge before me that I can embrace and live. One conversation after another, a view of the mission is coming into focus. If Paul was the apostle to the Gentiles, the outsiders, is it too presumptuous of me to ask God to let me be like Jesus, a friend of sinners, and I chief among them?

Marking Time

2007-06-25T11:07:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you've heard as many theories offered as I have for what Jesus wrote in the dirt that day that drove away the accusers of a woman caught in adultery. One of the more popular beliefs is that Jesus began writing out specific sins of her accusers. I think there is a certain danger in reading into scripture what's not there. Too much of it has already been meddled with thru the years from copy to copy. It seems many people struggle to grasp the simple humanity of Jesus and find it hard to believe he could have lived his life as a mere man.

Can you imagine all of the shrines, the denominations, the religious relics that would have been built around the drawing of Jesus in the sand had it only been recorded? I'm glad it was trampled on. Too much of religious tradition focuses on the "what" and not the "why." I believe the intent and the spirit of what could be holy has been lost on making sure we get it just right. I think it was Rob Bell who suggested in his book Velvet Elvis that by writing in the dirt Jesus was simply "marking time." It afforded time for cooler heads to prevail and simple words to disarm self-righteousness, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

"Marking time" is a good description for these hot Louisiana summer days. Aside from a few grueling road trips to Florida for work. Time is dragging on slowly and lazily with all of us around the house for a change. We've been "passing the time" reading, playing, watching movies, and picking vegetables from our garden. We've been tracking down old friends on the internet, and I've been doing much neglected work on my family tree searching for memories and discovering old stories.

I am keenly aware of what time it is, what time it has been. I know that these hot summer days are elusive as the sand, and fall will wash them out to sea for another year. I know that these footprints pressed into Florida sand by feet five years and counting were gone by morning. I know that in time I will be a name and dates on some one's forgotten limb.

We hear too much of "wars and rumors of wars" these days. The powers that be have given us a new "hill on which to die," yet another ideological struggle that spills every one's blood but their own. These battles aren't waged on mountains but on piles of sand, and the tide is coming. Life isn't about being right. It's about being together. So we wait... marking time, making memories together.

Love and Duty

2007-06-24T18:21:00.000-05:00

The Painted Veil with Naomi Watts and Edward Norton is a powerful story of love unreturned, love betrayed, love rejected, love scorned, love demonstrated, love made, and love lost. Kitty (Naomi Watts) opts to marry Dr. Walter Fane (Edward Norton), even though she doesn't love him, just to get as far away from her mother as she can. The new bride far from home in China has an affair with an Englishman. When their secret is discovered, her husband gives the ultimatum to join him in the heart of a cholera epidemic deep in China or immediate divorce for adultery. Rejected by her lover she finds herself cut off from the rest of the world in the midst of enormous human suffering where their relationship is tested to the breaking point.

I find the parallels between romantic love and religous devotion unending. Consider the following exchange between the head of the convent and Mrs. Fane (Naomi Watts):

Mother Superior: Dr. Fane told me he wanted you to leave but you would not.
Mrs. Fane: I didn't want to leave you.
Mother Superior: Yes, and we appreciate it, dear child, but I think you did not want to leave him either.
Mrs. Fane: Well, it's my duty.
Mother Superior: Duty is only washing your hands when they are dirty.

Mother Superior: I fell in love when I was 17... with God. A foolish girl with romantic notions about the life of a religious, but my love was passionate. Over the years my feelings have changed. He's disappointed me. Ignored me. We've settled into a life of peaceful indifference. The old husband and wife who sit side by side on the sofa, but rarely speak. He knows I'll never leave Him. This is my duty. But when love and duty are one, then grace is within you.

Many people stay married for no better reason than they have for going to church, a sense of duty or obligation. Obligatory church attendance holds about as much passion as an arranged marriage. I have also lost respect for people who stay married till "death do us part." I respect most those who stay in love, who work at love, who make love. I know many people who just live under the same roof, though they merit some recognition for not killing each other, but their love is unspoken, unexpressed, and maybe absent altogether. Those are not the kinds of relationships we should aspire to nor settle for.

The Bible is not a rule book, nor a list of doctrines. It is above all else a love story between the Creator and the created. While God's love may be the one constant in the universe, we are reminded throughout that our love is frail. We must "catch the little foxes that ruin the vineyards," for "the love of many will grow cold." We must be passionate in our love making and our praying.

We make an effort to grow in love every day not because we have to, but because we want to. This is not a place we have to be. It is the place that we want to be and this is the one we want to be with. Then love and duty are one, and there we find grace.

Faith Into Action

2007-06-21T11:59:00.000-05:00

Ok, I read The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong in less than half a day. I couldn't put it down. I think I'll have to re-read parts of it again a few times just because they resonated with me so strongly. I still have a lot to think about based on what I read.

I think the closure of the book for me was the different ways in which to view faith, and how faith differs from belief. 1) For some faith is something you believe in, doctrines, mythology, or both. 2) For others faith is a conscious choice apart from ascertainable fact, and yet 3) for others faith is not what you believe or choose but rather what you do. I personally feel I'm vacillating somewhere between a choice and action. As a matter of fact, I just cannot drink the kool-aid anymore. So I'm struggling to choose faith despite the head-on collision with reason.

Karen's illumination of modern Jewish and Muslim traditions really helped to illustrate how faith is an action even more than a belief. Neither she nor I am trying to say that Jews or Muslims do not believe, because certainly they have strong religious convictions. The way that I understand her point is that for Jews right action took precedent over right belief, although following the law was a means to right action. The end product of behavior was the final determinant of right religion. I also understood her to be saying that the Seven Pillars of Islam place emphasis on action over belief also. Something akin to Jesus saying where your treasure is your heart will be also. Not that belief doesn't matter for Muslims but perhaps that belief will follow action in time. Far too long fundamentalist Christians have been trying to shove a semi load full of infallible doctrine down our throats that stand in direct contradiction to science and modernity.

I'm not sure that belief will come naturally later on down the road for all. I'm beginning to think that if your particular faith positively improves your interaction with others then it is noble, regardless of what differences we have in beliefs. Perhaps the greatest commandment is the only commandment that we should love God with all that we are and love our fellow man as we love ourselves. I'm beginning to see some light from the far end of this tunnel.

I'm humbled and appreciative of her observation:

"The best theologians and teachers have never been afraid to admit that in the last resort, there may be Nothing out there. That is why they spoke of a God who in some sense did not exist."

I have realized in recent years that at the end of the day I might indeed be wrong and others be right. What a strange irony that in losing hope we may find a way forward. That in losing our life we indeed may find it at last.

Climbing The Spiral Staircase

2007-06-20T21:36:00.000-05:00

From The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong:

I remembered a Jesuit telling us once during a retreat that faith was not really an intellectual assent but an act of will. Christians could accept their essentially incredible tradition only by making a deliberate choice to believe. You could not prove or disprove these doctrines, but you could consciously decide to take them on trust. They might even turn out to be true. But somewhere along the line, I had given up. I could no longer summon up the emotional or spiritual energy to make that choice. I felt tired out, drained, and slightly repelled by it all. I was finished with God; and God - if he existed at all - had long ago finished with me.

For years faith for me was an "intellectual assent" held loosely together by the "infallibility" of scripture and a willful ignorance of an alternative. Once I stopped suppressing my questions and exposed myself to the world of possibilities, faith would have to be a choice made against the grain of reason or abandoned altogether. I'm standing now somewhere near the crossroads trying to find a middle ground between self-induced delusion and apostasy. Karen Armstrong has become a new found friend on this road to find the middle way.

We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind.
"Ode: Intimations of Immortality," William Wordsworth

My Father's Day Presents

2007-06-20T14:03:00.001-05:00

I got this cool new wine fridge from my wife & kids for Father's Day, plus some new LSU Shirts & a Cap. How cool is that? My old cooler went out after a year and was small. This sucker olds 28 bottles! Salute!

Reconnecting

2007-06-19T23:53:00.000-05:00

For the last couple weeks I've been trying to get back in touch with old friends, some I haven't seen in a very long time. It's been fun tracking down some of them and catching up with others. I've been thinking about why this is important to me.

Admittedly the first few years after high school were nuts working our way through college, but pastoring churches consumes your life. Your life revolves around the life cycle of the church and the crises that erupt continuously. I never thought I was better than my old friends, even though a lot of them didn't run in the same church circles that I did. I just didn't have time for friends outside of the church. That's quite a realization when you consider the primary mission of the church should be to befriend those outside the church. Truthfully, the church is a good place to get lost. It's easy to get wrapped up in this safe coddled little world of people who think, look, and live like we do yet manage to find plenty to disagree about. I believe that ministry can be extremely isolating even to the detriment of our health, our marriages, and relationships.

For all that I tried to do, the number one criticism I received from any of the churches that I pastored was that I did not visit the church members enough. I agree. It was a constant source of guilt for me, because the list of people to see was never ending. I fell into crisis management mode and resorted to putting out fires wherever they popped up. At least there was some sort of satisfaction in knowing that you were there for people when they most needed someone, but as the years passed since then, those countless hours, tears, and prayers are forgotten. Those same people I counted as friends have no use for me now. In the meantime of eight to ten years I neglected so many of my friends and family members to give my life to those I didn't even know. I find myself here now alone, feeling like I disappointed everyone. What did it get me? Oh, that's right. It wasn't about me.

So, I'm trying now to reconnect to old friends and family members. I have no delusions. Time has been lost. Distance lies between many of us. Though it can be lessened, it will not be erased. We've missed so much time. I feel that I owe many an apology but have mostly tried to communicate how much they have meant to me. I've made new friends along the way, most on my way out of the church. I'm grateful for them.

I'm reminded of what Richard Bach had to say about friendship. This is a compilation of my favorite quotes:

Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? Don't be dismayed by good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof. The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.

In her book Silver Boxes: The Gift of Encouragement Florence Littauer said that our words should be a gift given to a friend like little silver boxes with bows on top. A special friend who literally lives on the opposite side of the planet from me gave me such a little silver box this week when she wrote me a beautiful message that ended with these words, "You have a special place in our hearts. I have a family here by birth, but you are my family there by choice." I hope you cherish your friendships and find joy in one another.

AFI's Top 100 Movies

2007-06-18T20:40:00.000-05:00

I'm a bit overwhelmed by the number of movies I haven't seen on the list, so I'm starting with the goal of seeing the top 10 and working my way down the list. Surely I can do it. A few may take some extra effort, but I'm going to get it done.

AFI's Top 10 of Top 100 Movies, 100 Years:
1. Citizen Kane (1941)
2. Casablanca (1942)
~~3. The Godfather (1972)~~
4. Gone With the Wind (1939)
5. Lawerence Of Arabia (1962)
~~6. The Wizard Of Oz (1939)~~
7. The Graduate (1967)
~~8. On the Waterfront (1954)~~
~~9. Schindler's List (1993)~~
10. Singin' In the Rain (1952)

Blog Post Gets Published

2007-06-12T11:54:00.000-05:00

My thanks to The Town Talk for publishing a recent blog post of mine, "17 More Months?". You can find it on their site here, "Vote Now, Vote Often".

The Sopranos Shocker

2007-06-10T21:12:00.000-05:00

What the ?

The funny thing is that I had T.S. Elliot's "The Hollow Men" running through my head this afternoon,

This is the way the world ends.
This is the way the world ends.
This is the way the world ends.
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Ok, so Phil got whacked then unfortunately had his crushed by his own car. That was pretty cool. Paulie and the cat cracked me up. The cat staring at Christopher's picture was freakin hilarious.

I thought I forgot to pay my cable bill when the ending happened, or I should say didn't happen. I guess it ends the way you imagine it does. Definitely will have people talking. For what its worth I don't think Tony would have gotten whacked in the diner with his family. He made his peace with NY and Little Carmine. I think the meeting with Junior foreshadowed Tony's own impending trial.

All in all, I think the ending was appropriate. It left the door wide open for a come back or a movie. Moreover, it left the imagination to decide the ending. One hell of a ride, T.

********************************************************

Update: David Chase breaks silence on end of The Sopranos

Changes & Conversations

2007-06-09T22:50:00.001-05:00

You know, for the first time in a really long time I feel comfortable in my own skin. Well, for the last couple years actually, but that's saying a lot considering how long I lived in a glass bowl swimming in circles trying to please everybody and be all things to all people. Enough. Reminds me of hearing John Maxwell talk about the Apostle Paul. He asked, "what can you do to a man who's not afraid of dying?" I'm not looking to check out of here anytime soon, but I don't have to live in the people-pleaser business anymore.

I can be myself without fear of being fired for it, which is incredibly liberating. Being self-employed has had an equally empowering effect in my life. Granted, it's tough at times. Feast or famine. You want it? You have to go out and make it happen, but being able to decide when, where, and how you get it done fits my personality so much better than punching a clock. I don't like limits. I love freedom. Doesn't everyone? I'm not sure sometimes.

I love being able to ask questions. Why are people so threatened by questions? I love to imagine possibilities. Why does it only have to be one way? I love to make new friends. Why does it have to be "us" vs. "them"?

We had about 30 people come through our house today for a birthday party. I thought about how many genuine connections I made today, and they were only a few. Beyond the "hey how are you's" and "good to see you's" there's not much connection happening by default. It reminded me a lot of church, how people come in and out to watch the same show for an hour. It doesn't mean they connected with each other any more than the people watching the $4.50 matinee. Connection takes intention.

I'm running into more and more people who are in similar places in life, somewhere between where they were and where they're going. So many people have lost faith in the church but still have deep spiritual convictions and tough questions. I love those people. Those are great conversations. Good friendships come from listening and wondering together. It's so much easier to have meaningful conversations with people when you don't have to steer the conversation to make your point, get your angle, or push your cause. People really open up over a cold beer or a nice cup of coffee. There's a cool moment in the conversation when they realize you're not pushing anything, you're not judging them, you're actually interested in them for who they are. It's like they just relax and set at ease. It's fun to take the trip together just to see where the road ends.

Leave a comment, hang out for a while, dig in the fridge, change the channel. Mi casa, su casa. I'm going fix a drink. Here's to good conversation!

Farce of the Penguins

2007-06-09T22:35:00.000-05:00

WARNING: NOT FOR KIDS!!!
BUT FREAKIN' HILARIOUS

By far one of the funniest movies I've seen in a while. If you're easily offended, don't even bother. This is The Aristocrats meets Animal Planet. It's written and produced by Bob Saget who is, contrary to nice guy TV Land image, a real sick puppy. It's narrated by Samuel L. Jackson and features voice overs by some of the best comics in the business. Lewis Black is Bob Saget's penguin buddy and freakin nuts. I can't even quote much of the movie without violating some FCC regulation I'm sure, so just watch it.

Is Loving God Enough?

2007-06-06T20:37:00.000-05:00

My cousin posted a blog entry recently that got me thinking. I'm posting my comment to it here so that you might add to the discussion. Her basic idea was that loving God is the most basic responsibility we have and will be accountable for and that a lot of the do's and don'ts are added on by others to make a relationship with God complicated and impossible.

What a loaded question. I'm agreeing with you here but must play the "devil's advocate" just because these are questions I'm thinking about. I'm just thinking as I write. If "loving" is all we are accountable for, didn't Jesus say that if we love him that we should "keep his commandments?" Of course, I would counter that the Bible also says that his commandments are not burdensome, i.e. his yolk is light. Perhaps it is we who make them seem burdensome.

A huge part of the problem is that most people look at the Bible like an algebra equation of which every book must agree with all of the other books. I think the more appropriate view is to look at the Bible as a record of the evolving nature of how people understand and relate to God. So that some of what happens earlier on may in fact stand in direct contrast to what we find in the New Testament because people as a whole evolved in their understanding. Think just how much we evolve personally in our relation to God in just a few years time then compound it by thousands of years of history and thousands of different perspectives collaborating into a clearer expression. Another large part of the problem is that like it or not, a lot of the Bible is editorial commentary. It demands an entire science of stripping down extraneous material to get back at what was said that inspired so much thought.

Another basic question is "how do you love God?" Yes, I know, "keep his commandments." But aside from rule keeping, how do you do it? I'm reminded that Jesus also said if we want to express our love for God that we should love others, in particular the unlovable. For a moment set aside "keeping commandments" and "loving others." At it's most basic level in a vacuum where only you and God exist, how do you love Him? How do you love someone/something immeasurably grand and awesome? On some level isn't your love really based on fear, as it was in the beginning of the OT? I don't think fear is the same as love. The Bible also says that perfect love casts out all fear. Maybe it is awe & wonder that we really feel and call it love for God? Maybe we move past being "afraid" of Him and stand in wonder and awe. How can you move past loving God for fear of retribution or for desire for acceptance? Is it possible to love Him purely without fear or expectation?

I'm going off the deep end now, so beware, but could it be that we go amiss thinking about "loving God" as an emotion felt for a person? At its best, we aspire to an idea, a belief system, a way of living. Religion, even Christianity, seems more and more like a coping mechanism to me, a framework through which we can engage the enormity of time/space and the finality and smallness of ourselves within.

You wouldn't know it by looking at the current political landscape in America or the culture of the deep South, but I believe the role of religion in everyday life is gradually being diminished, albeit at glacial speeds, as people become more and more educated and communication barriers are broken down through technology and freedom of expression. I think the nature of personal religious beliefs will continue to evolve, and I believe only fools and the mentally ill will continue to embrace fundamentalism. Just thinking.

17 More Months?

2007-06-06T10:59:00.000-05:00

Is it really necessary to wait until next November to replace Pres. Bush? Even then it won't be until mid-January when his successor would take office, then a couple months to get the new cabinet installed and confirmed. By this rate it would be two years before change would take place. I say if American Idol can hold a vote in four hours and release the results the next day, so can the American electorate. Let's line up all the candidates, have Simon rake them over, then let us vote. A Bush resignation or impeachment would help nothing with Cheney and Pelosi in line for the throne. At the rate Bush is going we're going to restart the Cold War in a few weeks. It's time to go back to Crawford and chop some wood. I say voting begins at 9pm/8pm Central. Don't forget you can vote as many times as you like!

Giant Cherry Tomatoes

2007-06-04T22:24:00.000-05:00

Garden Update:

Ok, I've got tomatoes coming out my ears. I'm picking about a quart of cherry tomatoes and at least two nice size tomatoes every day. There are usually four or five cucumbers ready every week. The bell peppers and jalapeños are shiny green and good sized. The squash and zucchini... Well, they taste great, but I've had a heck of a time with powdery mildew and yellowing leaves, although the blossom-end rot has subsided. The plants are just nasty looking and laying all over my other plants. I'm about to pluck up the zucchini and plant some pole beans or more cucumbers in their place.

Oh, my cherry tomatoes are over 9 feet tall, and that's after I cut them off. People have been accusing me of not pruning them when I say this, but I have pruned them constantly removing any "suckers," new shoots. The main stem is over 9' feet tall. I cut them off at the top of the new 10' PVC pipe I'm using for stakes now. Why cut them off any shorter when they're loaded with clusters all the way up to the top. I've just about picked all the cherry tomatoes on the lowest clusters up to about 2-3 feet up the plant. The newest clusters are still forming at the top. I can't give them away quick enough! It's been fun.

Small Block White

2007-06-04T12:14:00.000-05:00

2006 Timbuktu Small Block White, Austrailia

I picked up this wine with several others on a clearance table recently. It seemed like an interesting table wine with a curious blend. It didn't disappoint. It's a blend of Verdehlo 62%, Viognier 15%, Chardonnay 10%, Semillon 8%, and Riesling 5%. It's a smooth refreshing wine, similar to Sauvignon Blanc but milder with a soft sweetness. It has interesting unfamiliar flavors with the Viognier and Semillon. It's just a very easy to drink enjoyable white that goes well with many dishes. I read that Austrailia wines emphasize the end product rather than tradition and process. From the curious blend to high tech process to packaging, this is an example of a focus on taste. I liked it so much I went back and got several more bottles while still on clearance. For $5 you can't go wrong with this one.

Don Corleone

2007-05-27T21:37:00.000-05:00

I have a very difficult and personal confession to make. As a self-proclaimed movie junkie, I must admit that I have never seen The Godfather till today. In the interest of full disclosure I did see the last 30 minutes on cable last year. Although I think I've seen just about every other mob movie known to man, I just could not live in the dark any longer. I had to see the Don.

The movie did not disappoint. It's like watching stars being born before your very eyes. Without question it set the gold standard for mob flicks. I've been a Sopranos fan for a while now, but while I'm confessing my toenails, I must say I've never seen the first three seasons. I've been waiting to get the box set and watch them in a marathon.

Ok. I feel like I've arrived now. I'm a grown up, like I'm part of a circle of insiders, those in the know, but, somehow, I don't think the Don would approve of blogging.

Never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking. ~ Don Corleone

No One Knew My Name

2007-05-24T21:17:00.000-05:00

I was listening to No One Knew My Name by Marc Broussard today. The words really resonate with me. They're testimonial.

Some people say that I've changed in every way
That the life I'm leadin' gonna lead me away from your grace
But there ain't nothin' like a brand new day
Get to start all over with a big ol' smile upon my face

I aint' gotta prove nothin' to them
Got nothin' to lose cause I remember when

No one knew my name except for you baby
No one feels the same as I do
No one's walked a mile in my shoes lately
No one knew my name except for you, yeah

Life is about the journey it's not about the end

To Preach or Not to Preach

2007-05-22T07:39:00.000-05:00

That is the question.

It will soon be a year since I've preached, almost that long since I've been to church. I thought my phone just quit ringing with invitations, but I seem to remember turning down at least two long term commitments in the last couple months. I got another call a few days ago to preach homecoming at a church I pastored several years ago. Tradition has a former pastor come in to preach that day. I always dreaded homecoming while I was there, because you never knew what kind of nut would come in and bore everyone to death or confuse the hell out of them. Then I'd have to clean up the mess. I'm debating on whether or not to go. Part of me thinks I should do it, since they seem to be in a bind to find somebody, and I would hate for them to be tortured by the alternative. Most of me just doesn't know what to say.

I'm such a completely different person than I was. My beliefs have changed substantially. The older I get and the more life experiences I have the more I realize that I don't know anything. Honestly, I think I had this thing figured out when I was 19, but now, I don't know jack. It's not that I don't possess knowledge. I can argue any position. I know them well. I just don't have a position anymore. No angle. No game. No ego that needs stroking. I'm convinced of the possibility that I might be wrong and everyone else might be right. Not a good foundation from which to claim exclusivity to divine truth. I generally respect differing viewpoints and values. The only people I don't want to dialogue with are those that are too pigheaded to give others a fair hearing.

So, what do I say? I'm pretty screwed up. I could easily talk about that for a while. I could do like many of the others that show up and reminisce about the good ole times we shared and tell funny stories, but there's a lot of pain and mixed emotions in looking back on that experience. I could whip out an old sermon. I've preached at least a couple hundred new ones since I was there last, but I'd rather throw up than pretend. I want to just talk about some of things I've learned and how I've changed, but I don't want the day to be about me, and I despise topical sermons. Maybe I just won't go. People don't really want to hear what I'll say. It would probably disturb them. Sure, the sadists say they want somebody to "tell it like it is," but they mean someone to beat up on the failure and weaknesses of others, so easily characterized as sins. No one wants to hear about selfishness, hypocrisy, greed, apathy, etc.

I suppose someone would say I should pray about it, but it's been a while since I've done that too, at least in the traditional sense of the word. I've felt a need to sit in silence for the last few days, and it's long overdue. I guess meditation works for some people. I haven't gotten to that yet. I'm still a beginner. It's all I can do to sit down, be still, and shut up for 30 minutes. Now there's an idea for a sermon well spent.

Garden Pictures

2007-05-16T15:28:00.000-05:00

Thought I'd share a few pictures after my last garden update. The zucchini is producing well, as you can see. Almost overnight, they double in size to these giant 12" long 2" thick monsters, which are surprisingly still fairly tender. You will notice in the middle of the stems an example of the blossom end rot I blogged about. The fungicide and thinning have definitely improved the plants but some fungi is still a problem.

The tomatoes are producing like crazy. There are several large clusters of tomatoes on every plant, like the ones seen here. They are beautiful without any blemishes. The rust problem seems to be contained by carefully removing any affected leaves after they're spotted. The cherry tomatoes have grown over 7 feet tall and are loaded with tomatoes.

The jalapeños are about two inches long, bright, and shiny, just like the bell peppers, but my cucumbers are still struggling. I'm worried that they've got bacterial wilt caused by cucumber beetles early in the season, which is untreatable at this stage. We'll just have to wait and see.

Tomatoes Galore

2007-05-14T11:00:00.000-05:00

Garden Update

Since I last posted about my garden, I've got tomatoes coming out my ears and have just started getting a few picked. I've got 4-8 large tomatoes per plant. The Super Fantastics are twice as tall as the Heat Wave II, but they both have about the same number of tomatoes and look large and delicious. I had a little bit more rust show up last week, but quick leaf pulling seemed to stop it from spreading. My cherry tomato plants have outgrown their stakes. After re-staking they're close to 7 feet tall now and loaded with about four large clusters of tomatoes per plant.

The bell pepper and jalapeños are loaded with buds and shiny new peppers.

The zucchini and squash have given me a hard time with powdery mildew and blossom end rot. Both are caused by fungi, as far as I can tell. The first fungicide I applied did not seem to eliminate the problem. I think part of the problem is that the plants were too close and stayed too wet, so I went drastic and pulled every other plant to give them room and keep them drier. A few days, water, and miracle gro later, they are perking up, and I got my first mess of zucchini pulled to eat. One zucchini was over 12 inches long and two inches in diameter! Maybe it is working. I applied a different kind of fungicide yesterday to fight off the powdery mildew. We'll see what happens.

We ate our first cucumbers last week. They were so good. Sometime late last week many of the leaves started turning yellow and brown before drying up. I worried that the fungicide burned the leaves, but clover near the cucumbers and near the house also were affected. I pulled all the bad leaves last night and applied a new fungicide. Time will tell.

In the meantime I have a window sill full of tomatoes!

13.2 Billion Years

2007-05-13T21:57:00.000-05:00

Astronomers date star's birth back to nearly the dawn of time

Alice White Lexia

2007-05-10T14:31:00.000-05:00

What the heck is Lexia? I had no idea what it was other than a white wine, which was enough to get me to try this 2006 Alice White Lexia since I enjoyed their Chardonnay so much recently. I expected some kind of Sauvignon Blanc but was surprised to find a tangy sweet flavor. It seemed most like a Riesling to me, but it had just a little lime kick to it. Once I looked at their website, I learned that Lexia was made from Muscat grapes grown in Austrailia. No wonder I liked it. I love Piedmont Moscato. While the Lexia is nowhere near the quality, it's a great easy to drink refreshing wine for hot weather like this. Salute!

Living Unplugged

2007-05-07T11:11:00.000-05:00

A recent post by my friend at Sim Church got me to thinking about living unplugged.

It's been about 9 months since I've been in a church service, about two years since I've been in a service I wasn't preaching. My wife doesn't care about going either. I don't feel guilty at all. I feel free to be honest. I mostly don't know how to respond to comments and questions that come up in conversation regarding faith. I don't want to be disrespectful, so I nod and shift to another topic. Will Campbell said, "Beliefs are what people are hung up on, not ethics or morals. If you don't believe a certain way, then the people in that religion will clean you out." I don't think most people I know in the South are ready for this discussion.

I don't feel my kids are missing out on their core moral development because they're not listening to flannel board stories and doing color sheets in a Sunday School class somewhere. Still, they have questions. They have a natural desire to wonder. I've been reflecting on how I grew up in church and how I've seen other children come up in church. There's an overall conditioning process at work, albeit subtle. I'm not sure I want my kids brainwashed by somebody.

I suppose some "dyed in the wool" fundamentalist is reading this and aghast that my children will die and go to hell if they don't ask Jesus into their hearts. I've thought about that a lot. I've had a hard time buying the whole spin on eternity for a long time. If you ask me to imagine God, a supreme being of the universes, burning my kids in hell for all eternity because they told a lie, were mean, or stole a friend's toy and didn't subscribe to a certain religious tenet, you need therapy.

Micael Ledwith said our culture often views God as sitting up somewhere "registering the scores on his laptop as to whether we perform according to his designs or whether we're offending him, as it's put, an absolutely outrageous idea. How could we offend God? How could it matter so much to him? How could it, above all, matter that he would find it so serious a situation that he could conform us to an eternity of suffering? These are bizarre ideas."

So do we haul our kids to church to make sure they get the same "rearing" that we did, even if we have since rejected it, just to "be sure?" Is that what Christianity is, an insurance policy? Got to make sure everybody's covered, just in case they're right and we're wrong? Nada.

I think it's natural to have an epiphany moment in life, but I don't think it has to take the form of "getting saved," walking the aisle, and getting baptized. I think we don't know how to react to newfound awareness or enlightenment other than to do whatever someone tells us to in those critical and vulnerable times in our lives. I want to be there in those moments in the lives of my children to answer their questions honestly, being sure to say that I don't know when I don't. I want them to nurture a sense of wonder, belonging, and grattitude that will stay with them no matter which path they take. Any religion that makes people feel less than they really are is worthless in my opinion.

So the question is rightly asked by my friend. What do we do now? Do you run to the nearest church on Sunday morning, throw yourself on the altar in a uncontrolable sobbing confession, and ask the church to embrace you and nurse you back to faith? Do you sneak in the back pew and check the attendance box for the week, even though you can't buy what they're selling? I just can't do it. I'm not saying I won't go to church again. I've been talking about a few churches I'd like to visit, mostly other denominations that I'm not familiar with, and when I go, I'll go with an open mind and listen respectfully. Maybe there will be something I can grab hold to and assimilate. Maybe there won't. But I refuse to get in line for the weekly hen-pecking.

On Will Campbell

2007-05-05T17:49:00.000-05:00

The Town Talk published an article on Will Campbell in today's paper written by Robin Miller. As a history minor in college with mostly Southern history under my belt, the name Will Campbell rang a bell. As I kept reading, I was awestruck. I love the gritty side of the South and have no greater fondness in my heart than I do for rebels, outlaws, and mystics. I share just a few lines from the article that described my experience in the church and my departure from pastoral ministry and hope they'll entice you to read the article yourself.

Will, who after having pastored one Southern Baptist Church, gave it up forever -- pastoring, not ministering.
"I resolved to be a Baptist minister of the South until the day I die, though never again a Southern Baptist preacher," he has said. "For the first time, I knew there
was a difference. And what it was."

Still, meeting Will isn't meeting a preacher at all. And he's not what you'd call a writer of religion or Christian literature, but simply a writer.

"Beliefs are what people are hung up on," he'll say, "not ethics or morals.If you don't believe a certain way, then the people in that religion will clean you out... A lot of those people will claim to be conservative. But they're not. They're just mean."

Amen. It's refreshing to find people to identify with and who share a common journey. I've already put a couple of his books on hold at the library and can't wait to read them. Here's to you, Will!

Alice White Chardonnay

2007-05-04T09:45:00.000-05:00

I was impressed by a 2006 Alice White Chardonnay I tried at a restaurant. Although my experience with Austrailian wine has been limited to the $10 and under bottles, and I am not a fan of Yellow Tail, this Aussie delivered. This Chardonnay is very smooth and easy drinking. It's very simple, not too heavily oaked and just dry enough. The fruit is mild and not overpowering. It lacks the wierd tanginess I get in Yellow Tail. For $6.50 a bottle how can you go wrong. I have no doubt there are higher quality Aussie Chardonnays, but I can't imagine a better one for under $10. I noticed on the company website that they've recently overhauled the image and marketing of their wines. It will probably be showing up in more restaurants as a result. This will definately be my everyday white wine of the summer. Salute!

Man In the Moon

2007-05-04T09:05:00.000-05:00

Without a doubt, one of the best movies I've seen in a while is Man In the Moon (1991) with Reese Witherspoon, Jason Landon, and Sam Waterston. I didn't know the movie existed and only watched it because my wife picked it out. I learned that it was filmed not far from here in Natchitoches, LA. It appears to be the first major motion picture for Reese Witherspoon who, I also just learned, was born in New Orleans. This was not the typical cheesy southern movie. It is a heartwarming and heartbreaking drama delivered by a stellar cast. Witherspoon was destined for a great career after this debut. She had to be about 15 years old at the time of filming, which made her nude scene shocking, although very innocent. The feel, quality, and setting of the movie is similar to The Notebook, although it is a coming-of-age film. I highly encourage you to see this great movie from Louisiana.

My Garden

2007-05-02T11:03:00.000-05:00

This is the best garden I've had so far. This is the second year that I've planted in this part of the yard with more sun and better drainage. As someone relatively new to gardening, I have a lot of questions. I've found a lot of answers online and at the local library. Maybe some of you out there would like to know the same things as me. I'll try to post updates on my progress and trial by error.

This year I have four rows over 20' long each. My rows are spaced good (except for the giant zucchini plants that are shading my bell peppers), but I planted the plants a little too closely. My plants consist of: twelve tomatoes, twelve cherry tomatoes, twelve green bell peppers, six jalapeno peppers, six zucchini, six yellow crook neck squash, and twelve straight eight cucumbers.

In years past I always waited till Good Friday to plant my garden, but then I had to contend with heat of the summer and watering needs even more. I planted early this year before Easter once soil temps were up but days were pleasant in early March. I gambled against a late freeze, but we got one around Easter with a touch of snow flurries. I was out of town and hadn't covered my plants, but they seemed only mildly affected by the freeze.

Couple days after the freeze my tomato leaves started turning yellow and shriveling up. I thought it was from the freeze, but it kept getting worse and spreading. Not knowing what it could be, I thought maybe it was rust. I still don't know for sure but pulled off every leaf with any hint of yellowing. I may have overpruned them, but a week later they were greener than ever and growing like crazy again.

Two weeks after planting my garden my Burpless cucumbers were turning yellow and dying quickly. It happened too fast to do anything about it. I thought maybe the cool days had an effect on them, but I'm not sure. I replanted the entire row with Straight Eight cucumbers instead, leaving only the last two or three Burpless survivors. I also planted Marigolds throughout my cucumbrit rows. I learned that they are a natural repellent for bugs that love squash, zucchini, and cucumbers. So far, no bugs, and the garden looks nice with the color.

I tilled 13-13-13 fertilizer into the soil when I tilled up the garden. Last year I put a small handful in each hole covered by a little dirt with the plant on top, but this year just let it slide. I have been regularly spraying the plants with Miracle Gro, especially early on then again once vegetables began appearing. I also mulched the garden this year for the first time to help with disease and drought prevention. I have soaker hose on each row set on a water timer. Since I'm out of town a lot, it doesn't get watered consistently otherwise. The timer works great. I generally water for 30 minutes every other day or every 3rd day when it hasn't rained, trying to water deep to stimulate root growth. I also didn't make raised rows this year. I know. I know. I'm lazy, but I also thought in this new spot the plants would have less of a struggle for water in the heat of the summer. I just have to make sure not to over water for now.

The only possible result of not planting in raised rows that I've been able to notice is that my zucchini and squash have developed wet rot on the blossom end. After the flower fell off the end nearest the flower turned a dark wet brown. After talking to the folks at our Cooperative Extension office, they recommended a fungicide to stem the problem. I just applied a product yesterday for wet rot. Before I applied it, I noticed that it wasn't a fugicide after all but actually an aid for calcium deficiency that can cause wet rot. It is recommended for tomatoes and cucumbrits, so I thought it couldn't hurt. I'm going to watch to see if it corrects the problem. If not I'm going to find a fungicide to try also.

I'm having fun watching it grow. I've always had good luck with cherry tomatoes and bell peppers, but my tomatoes and squash are doing better than ever this year. I've never seen zucchini plants so big ever. We'll have plenty to eat if I can stay on top of everything. If you have tips or ideas to share, please post a comment. I hope you find something helpful when you stop by. Good luck!

Financial Biz Buzz

2007-05-02T07:45:00.000-05:00

For some reason I was fascinated by the financial buzz yesterday over Rubert Murdoch's proposal to buy Dow Jones/The Wall Street Journal for $5 Billion. Moments after his interview with Neil Cavuto on Your World the Bankroft family, which owns DJ/WSJ, rejected his bid outright. The way I see it, a lot of people made a lot of money on the speculation of what could be, given that the DJ stock price went from $32 to $54 on the news. If Murdoch bought Dow Jones, he could have sold off the financial management side of the company and recooped a large part of the purchase price and integrated the Journal with his upcoming Fox Biz Channel. Although his bid was rejected, News Corp received a tremendous amount of free publicity for its new cable network and made a statement that its serious about being a player in the financial market.

I've had an interest in financial happenings for a long time. As a history nut, I was always impressed with the tycoon's of yesteryear, such as William Randolph Hearst, Andrew Carnegie, John D. Rockefeller, as well as modern moguls like Jack Welch, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and Murdoch himself. I thoroughly enjoyed economics courses I took in college, but really took more interest once I played the stock market online for a year. The first day I sat down with $300 to buy shares, I bought Books a Million (BAMM). They were set to release earnings reports that day and speculation was that it would be better than expected. Sure enough I sat down that morning and watched the stock steadily climb from $4 a share until it peaked out at $47 a share before noon. I got out just before it peaked somewhere around $38. I had made $2,500 in about an hour and a half. That will spoil you, as it doesn't happen often. I haven't played the market since that year, but I definately enjoyed learning more about it. News like this just makes me want to get back into it even more.

Secco-Bertani Valpolicella

2007-04-27T15:00:00.000-05:00

I had committed to merge my wine blog with this one but have been lax in posting tasting notes lately. I recently tried a new Italian wine, Secco-Bertani Valpolicella. I readily confess to being new to Italian and French wine. Varietal names have spoiled American wine newbies with their simplicity, and though I am a Cajun, my French is lacking and my Italian is worse. I'm familiar with Piedmont Moscato, Barbera d'Asti, and Barolo. Valpolicella is a new one for me, and I'm not even sure how to categorize it appropriately other than to say it's good stuff. It is reminiscent of a Chianti's lingering smoky finish but softer. It is mildly fruity and dry, which I like, with a rich spicy aroma. Overall, it's not a heavy wine, like Syrah, but somewhere between Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon. I had it with stuffed chicken marsala, and it paired well. For red meat I would still lean toward Cabernet Sauvignon or Chianti. Salute!

A New Earth Discovered

2007-04-25T09:05:00.000-05:00

A New Earth?

The mathematical probabilities long ago declared it a matter of not "if" but "when" other inhabitable planets would be discovered. There are old questions that are beginning to be answered; others will have to wait. Is there life out there? Definately. The discovery of a relatively near earth-like planet is an astounding discovery that is sure to be followed by many many more with exponential improvements in astronomy. Maybe there are just cockroaches roaming around on this one. Maybe there's just ocean life on a microscopic scale. Maybe there are lower lifeforms. But maybe somewhere a higher stage of evolution has taken place, and someone is asking the same questions we are.

I wonder because I have to, but do you think Jesus died for all of the other people living elsewhere in the universe? Did God send thousands of different Messiahs to each planet to give them each an opportunity to be "saved?" Are they all dying and going to hell because we haven't gotten missionaries there yet? Maybe we can turn the TBN satellites around and point into outer space. Maybe its just safe for some people to believe we're the only ones here. When your worldview clashes with reality, it's somehow easier on the conscience to deny reality rather than change your worldview. Were we to go backwards a couple thousand years, when people were separated by oceans rather than space, are the questions any different? Who's right? Who's wrong? Do we have an exclusive on truth? What's the worth of another person when they're different than you? Life hangs in the balance on how we answer.

I am glad today

2007-04-20T16:32:00.000-05:00

I am glad today.
I am glad for the day.

The night was not so long
nor dreams so few.
Hope gave birth to Promise.

The sun woke me with a kiss,
embraced me with joy.
Sweet mercies new once more.

I stand upon the precipice of not yet
and lean into the wind.

Blow! Harder still...

I am not afraid.
I am loved.

Hope

2007-04-17T17:19:00.000-05:00

I feel the sand slipping between my fingers
the tide is rolling in
my castle will soon be gone
I watch the sun dipping slowly

Will you come again in the morning?

I wonder.
I hope.
I believe.

The moon hangs softly above
stars twinkle in twilight

Run your course. Shine. Shine brightly.
I will watch for the morning

The Lake House is Gone

2007-04-11T09:21:00.000-05:00

Fire Destroys Johnny Cash's Lake House in Hendersonville, TN

I was saddened to learn this morning that the famous and much beloved home of Johnny & June Carter Cash burned yesterday. I don't know if everyone could appreciate it, but it would be the equivalent of Graceland burning down a couple years after Elvis died. The house held a lot of wonderful memories for Johnny & June and played a prominent role in the movie Walk the Line and music video for Hurt. In that same music video there were gripping shots of the House of Cash museum in disrepair contrasted with Johnny's aging body. I wondered how Johnny would have reacted to the news today. I suppose although devastated he would recognize it as part of the cycle of life and death. Whether bodies or our homes they are only temporary residences that will soon be empty.

Tearful Reunion

2007-03-30T20:47:00.000-05:00

A returning U.S. sailor returns home from 7 month deployment to surprise his son during his kingergarten class. (NBC Today Show Video)

Wow!

Dobson Slams Thompson

2007-03-28T18:30:00.000-05:00

Here's another "sinner" to throw into the fire today:
James Dobson Says Thompson Not Christian Enough To Be Prez

Dobson declared that Sen. Fred Thompson, star of NBC's Law & Order and possble Republican candidate for President, was "not a Christian" and therefore should not be supported by the Christian base of the party. Thompson's spokesperson said that he was in fact baptized into the Church of Christ. Dobson counters that Thompson is not Evangelical and does not talk openly about his faith.

I was already outraged over the virtual campaign of some right-wing ideologues bashing U.S. Senator David Vitter (LA) for supporting Rudy Guiliani for President. The Dead Pelican and others have been on a crusade to slam Guiliani for his record on social issues and throw Vitter under the bus for his support, although he has been praised by the same critics, up until now, as a fantastic Senator and advocate for the welfare of Louisiana.

I was set to pull the lever for Guiliani just to spite them, until I sat up and took notice of Thompson as a possible candidate. Thompson has a conservative stand on social issues, but he doesn't carry the water for the Christian right, which is all the more reason for me to support him. We need a President to lead this country, not a Pastor to patronize his parishoners. Dobson should stick with telling mom's how to potty train their kids on his radio show. Dobson, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Jesse Jackson, Richard Land, and the gang embarass the hell out of many who have until now identified themselves as "Christian." I think the label has got a bum reputation. I'm all for calling ourselves something else. There's no way to get them to switch to "hypocrits" for the sake of truth in advertising.

The Church is Pro-Hell

2007-03-28T08:37:00.000-05:00

Pope Says Hell and Damnation Are Real and Eternal
The Times, London, in The Australian

Ok, I'm done. Honestly, I'm through. I just had a conversation about this very subject with my friend yesterday. I'm not sure if I'm going to end up "throwing the baby out with the bathwater." There might be some remnant or core of Christianity that I adhere to throughout my journey, but this concept of God holding people over the flames as a motivation for people to love Him baffles my mind. I don't understand how educated people in a world of science can continue to propogate this stuff week after week. The only reason I held on to it as long as did was that I never allowed my mind to contemplate an alternate worldview. When viewed from an objective vantage point, a lot of this stuff just sounds silly and begs the question how the church expects to be taken seriously and affect our culture positively. Well, maybe they don't. Maybe they could give a damn about redeeming the culture. After all, it's all going to burn up anyway. They're too busy getting people right for the next life that they've forsaken this one. That doesn't sound very Christ-like to me.

Why does everything have to be "us vs. them," insiders and outsiders? Why can't the focus be on the commonality of all of God's creation? Why can't the focus be on the immense love that embraces every person regardless of race, color, creed, or failure? Why can't the focus be on serving one another and lifting each other up to reach their full potential? Why can't the focus be on Jesus Christ who modeled for us what it is to be a human on this planet and set an example that we should follow?

I watched a documentary on Amma yesterday, called Darshan. She has been a Ghandi-like figure in India for more than 30 years. She is known mostly for hugging people. Seriously. She's embraced over 20,000 people in a day many times over. It's really something to watch. She teaches kindness to all people and creatures. She feeds the hungry and has established orphanages and hospitals all over India. She spends three to four months of each year on a road trip trying to see as many people as possible. It's amazing that you give hugs away and people line up by the thousands. Maybe Joel Osteen is on to something after all.

I think we've been too critical of the wrong people for too long. Have you noticed that Jesus reserved his sharpest criticism for the religious establishment of His day, those that claimed to be better than everyone else, those that claimed to be in the know? For the failures, the screw ups, the rejects, the untouchables, there was only grace... grace by the bucketfuls. He lifted people by believing the best in them and pointing them to a better life, to their potential. Wow, what a difference! But who am I to argue with established religious dogma?

Movie Round Up

2007-03-26T12:05:00.000-05:00

I've seen quite a few movies the last few days between the Blockbuster movie program and HBO. I thought I should share a few thoughts on them:

Johnny Cash: The Man, His World, His Music documentary by Robert Elfstrom
I love all things Johnny Cash. I've read several biographies, including one by Rolling Stone magazine which was an amazing photo journey. This documentary was not an all encompassing birth to death, rags to riches epic. It was filmed by British filmmaker Robert Elfstrom in the late 1960's as he traveled with Johnny and June. Johnny was so impressed with Elfstrom's work that he later asked him to produce his film about Jesus Christ, The Gospel Road. This movie is archival footage from live concerts, recording sessions, Johnny's return visit to his hometown, and rare personal moments and reflections. Fantastic!

Conversations With God with Henry Czerny
I had this movie in my queue but moved it up after my friend commented on it on his blog. I thought the movie provided a very human portrayal of a man who fell upon hard times and into homelessness and struggled to climb his way back out. I did not buy into the spirituality. It seemed to lack substance and drive book sales or something. Overall, I was glad I watched it.

Take the Lead with Antonio Banderas
Ok, how many movies have there been about courageous teachers who transform the lives of inner city kids? I didn't rent this one, but when I started watching the beginning I had to stay up to watch the whole movie. I'm not a big Antonio Banderas fan, but he did an excellent job of acting in the movie. I guess the whole ballroom dancing thing was a large enough curiosity hook to separate it from the other movies about troubled inner city kids. Definately worth watching!

Proof with Gweneth Paltrow, Anthony Hopkins, & Jake Gyllenhaal
I missed the first few minutes of this one, but it was really good. It's a little similar to A Beautiful Mind but definately stands apart. Gweneth Paltrow was amazing in this movie. Jake Gyllenhaal was ok. Anthony Hopkins' appearances are limited but he's old, heavy, and going crazy in the film, so he provides some depth. He's Paltrow's aging mathematical genius father who is losing his mind. Paltrow's scenes jump back and forth to her time of caring for him and moving forward after he dies. In the process she's wrestling with her own sanity and genius. A very good drama. I recommend it.

Skeleton Key with Kate Hudson and Gena Rowlands
I saw this one over a year ago and just watched it again today. I enjoy movies filmed in or set in Louisiana, especially if they're good. This is a darker movie about old New Orleans and voodoo, and it has some amazing plot twists. It's not a horror film but a great suspense thriller. It's grade A entertainment that will keep you hooked.

Wandering in New Orleans

2007-03-21T16:56:00.000-05:00

Downtown New Orleans

I've been working down in Slidell, LA for a few weeks and have had to make a few trips into New Orleans. I've tried to avoid downtown as much as possible. The one way streets with no left turns or u-turns are a little overhwhelming. I think it took me over thirty minutes to get from the front of Tulane University Hospital around the block to get into the parking garage. I managed to get into town a little early before lunch and decided to drive around a bit. The only place that I seem be able to find my way around easily is the "Vieux Carre."

French Quarter

I haven't been to the French Quarter since Katrina. I was surprised to find so many tourists and so much activity. I couldn't resist stopping. I walked the river bank for a little bit then went down to French Market and was lured into an outdoor cafe by live blues music. I had a shrimp poboy and thoroughly enjoyed the music and atmosphere. With thirty minutes to spare before my meeting I wandered down the road to Cafe Du Monde to have cafe au lait and beignets. What a terriffic escape from the day, and a far cry from the frustration of driving in circles!

Riverfront

We've all heard so much discussion about New Orleans since Katrina, but I have to say that we all need to withhold our criticism and cynicism until we take a trip there for ourselves. It is a place all to itself that still has a charm and magic that cannot afford to be lost. I stopped at a red light behind an athletic looking guy my age in a car with two stickers on his back windshield. One said, "Operation Iraqi Freedom Veteran" and the other "Forget Iraq. Rebuild New Orleans!" Seems like he's more than qualified and justified in his opinion. After today, I can't help but think he's right.

St. Louis Cathedral

Rocky Balboa

2007-03-21T16:30:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! - Rocky Balboa

Wow! What an absolutely great movie! I was impressed to learn that Sly wrote and directed this film himself. He is just terriffic in this film. He is a seasoned professional that you cannot help but love. There are so many throw backs being released lately, you never know what to expect, but this was a real class act. I also enjoyed the Rocky movies when I was younger, but this one is quite different. With the exception of the final fight, which was filmed brilliantly, it wasn't really a "boxing" movie. It is a story of a man coming to terms with the death of the love of his life, the twilight years of his own life, and strengthening a fractured relationship with his only son. Sly was heartwarming in the movie. It was impossible not to feel for his character and want to know someone just like him. From a technical perspective the cinematography of the big fight was an amazing combination of a real fight on HBO and filming techniques akin to Sin City. It's really something to see. Overall, it's just a really good quality film that has a powerful message about the worth of every person and finding the courage to never give up. Five Stars, all the way!

Wine & Spirits Blog

2007-03-19T20:54:00.000-05:00

For a time I kept a separate blog to journal my wine discoveries. It was mostly a personal journal to help me discern what I liked most about different wines that I tried, and I thought it would be nice to share it with others. It soon fell under neglect mostly because I was trying so many wines so frequently I couldn't keep up with journaling. This blog has also been my priority. Since the handy new labels feature that blogger added, it's become simplest to merge them into one and label my posts accordingly, so this blog will also feature my tasting notes. I can't imagine how many people actually come here to read my posts, but, no matter what brought you here, you'll be seeing more posts about wine & spirits. I'm also adding a "What's Uncorked" item to note what I have uncorked at the moment.

The bottle I'm finishing now is a 2005 Sutter Home Moscato from Napa Valley. I first tried a Moscato d'Asti from the Piedmont region in northern Italy, famous for their Moscato d'Asti and recently famous for the 2006 Olympic Winter games held in Torino. There is a little gift shop in Covington, LA called the Grape Vine. The owners personally import cases of Italian wine to sell in their shop and gladly offered a friend and I a taste test last summer while passing through. My favorite wine of theirs was a Barbera d'Asti, a dryer red wine. After tasting the heavier cousin, the Moscato d'Asti tasted like liquid candy. I found this American Moscato several months ago and saved it until recently, because I don't drink much white wine in the winter. With the spring-like weather my passion for red wines has subsided for a time and the only white I had to open was this Sutter Home Moscato.

Moscato is one of the lighter white wines you'll find, known mostly as an after dinner wine. It's even lighter than Sauvignon Blanc. It's very delicate, mild, and very sweet. I found the Sutter Home to be slightly less sweet than the Piedmont. It has the aroma and slight twang of grapefruit, similar to Sauvignon Blanc. When you can't find a good Piedmont Moscato d'Asti for less than $20, the Sutter Home is the way to go for under $8. Cheers!

Casino Royale

2007-03-19T17:04:00.000-05:00

I have seen many but not all James Bond movies over the years and generally have enjoyed them, at least up until Pierce Brosan, so I was a bit skeptical about a new Bond franchise featuring Daniel Craig, but I thoroughly enjoyed Casino Royale. The movie is a bit of a marathon; I think it was over 3 hours long but definately a must see. I think Daniel Craig is a slightly darker character than his predecessors and comes across more believable when interacting with the opposite sex. The first half hour is one of the most action packed I've seen, especially when you consider it's mostly acrobatic physical action without a bunch of explosions and hi-tech gadgets. The plot is very engaging, but just when you think the movie is over another twist develops. I think I anticipated the ending at least three different times after the first hour and a half. You definately get your money's worth out of this one. There are some major defining moments in the end that alter the Bond character and complicate him even further, which makes you anticipate a sequel. I'll be waiting.

The Prestige

2007-03-12T11:54:00.000-05:00

I highly recommend the movie The Prestige, if only for the star-studded cast: Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Crane, Piper Perabo, Scarlett Johansson, David Bowie, and Andy Serkis. I recently saw Andy Serkis in Longford, and he's slated to appear in several more upcoming movies. It's sort of become a Where's Waldo? fascination of mine to spot him in other movies since LOTR. Who in the world thought of pairing Andy Serkis and David Bowie as the "mad scientists" in the secluded forest? How cool is that? How could you not enjoy a movie about magicians, even if it follows closely on the heels of The Illusionist (I'm also a big Edward Norton fan). I also enjoyed the movie for the amazing plot twists. It's definately worth adding to your Blockbuster queue.

The Perfect Ending

2007-03-08T21:01:00.000-06:00

Bay St. Louis, MS

I'm working down in Slidell for a few weeks and staying in Bay St. Louis, MS. I spent the day Monday driving down and listening to a few audiobooks I had, Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra and Meditation for Optimum Health by Andrew Weil and Jon Kabat-Zinn. I was feeling pretty contemplative, and, though I was very tired, I wandered down to the shoreline just before sunset. I threw on a jacket and walked the beach listening to Enya on my iPod till the light faded away. If only everyday could end so sublimely.

On Wisdom

2007-02-21T12:25:00.000-06:00

"As proud children of science and reason, we have made ourselves the orphans of wisdom." Deepak Chopra

I have been completely enthralled in this new audiobook I'm listening to, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life by Deepak Chopra. I'm not even finished the first of three tapes, and I'm already read to listen to it again and take notes when I'm not driving. I'll post more observations once I've had time to process it. This comes at good time for me in my journey. He outlines the premise of the book as unlocking the secrets to what truly fulfills us and makes us happy, which if we have not already discovered is not money, sex, relationships, careers, or pleasure. This dovetails with the Jim Carrey quote I shared a few days ago that, "Success is a really good thing to attain, so you can cross it off the list of things that will make you happy." I've crossed enough things off my list by this point in life. I'd rather just figure this thing out and skip the vain pursuits.

I saw a quote on a sign today that did not mention the author, but I recognized it as a Gandhi quote. Coincidentally enough, I've ran across the same quote at least four times in the last two weeks. There must be a lesson in that in itself. I'll leave you with it:

"You must be the change you want to see in the world." Gandhi

Beyond Belief

2007-02-20T18:27:00.000-06:00

I've just finished listening to The Gospel of Thomas: A New Perspective on Jesus' Message an audiobook by Elaine Pagels who also wrote a book titled Beyond Belief. I admittedly know very little about "other gospels," much less the Apocrypha books. Pagels says that "gnostic" has become a sort of slander that has befallen many other historical documents that have been rejected and misunderstood by the religious powers that be. It reminds me of the way fundamentalists label everything they disagree with as "liberal."

I learned a lot not only about the Gospel of Thomas but about the other gospels as well and the way early Christians viewed Jesus. There was an interesting debate or dialogue taking place in the early church carried out in the oral tradition of masters teaching their disciples (followers). Interestingly enough there wasn't a group of followers of John's Gospel versus followers of Thomas' Gospel. Both gospels were being read and discussed side by side, holding each in tension yet finding a common way between them. Both gospels are dated between 80-100 AD and present a different perspective from the Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark, & Luke). I learned as much about the Gospel of John as I did about the Gospel of Thomas from this book.

There was a Q & A session at the end of her lecture, which is befitting to the overall message of Thomas that we must seek out knowledge and truth for ourselves versus John as the one who has written "that you may believe." Someone asked about her book and its title, Beyond Belief, asking if that is what Thomas is about, that we are to move "beyond belief" onto something else. That's an important question that I've been wrestling with. Is belief a beginning step on the journey. Do you grow out of it and mature into something else, or do you hold belief in tandem with maturity?

She gave an interesting illustration that Faith, i.e. belief, is like the Soil of the earth in which the seed is planted. Love is like the Sun that warms it. Hope is like the Water that nourishes it, and Insight is the Fruit, which is maturity. I found interesting that in that context belief isn't something you outgrow but rather something that supports and upholds the rest. It strikes me that belief isn't based upon scientific data and undeniable evidence but rather a decision of the will. I guess that's why I've had such a difficult time with belief lately because I refuse to deny the questions I've had any longer. Belief will have to be a decision of the will despite my questions and not because they're satisfied.

It also occured to me that so many "conservatives" who hang so tenaciously to belief, especially "right believing," often don't go to demonstrate love, they don't offer real hope beyond the illusion of comfort that comes from agreeing with them, and certainly don't offer any insight into the real probing hard questions of life and faith. Makes you wonder just what it is they really believe in. That's one to chew on.

Jim Carrey on Life

2007-02-20T12:38:00.000-06:00

"Success is a really good thing to attain, so you can cross it off the list of things that will make you happy."

"I think we are here to be a witness to creation."

Jim Carrey on The Today Show on NBC, February 20, 2007

Who knew that Jim Carrey could deliver such pearls of wisdom. This is a fascinating interview that says alot of the power of intention and motivation. I encourage you to watch it.

Into Great Silence

2007-02-19T18:58:00.000-06:00

I encourage you to watch the trailer for this amazing movie soon to be released, Into Great Silence, a film about the Carthusian monks. Here is a description from Zeitgeist Films:

Nestled deep in the postcard-perfect French Alps, the Grande Chartreuse is considered one of the world’s most ascetic monasteries. In 1984, German filmmaker Philip Gröning wrote to the Carthusian order for permission to make a documentary about them. They said they would get back to him. Sixteen years later, they were ready. Gröning, sans crew or artificial lighting, lived in the monks’ quarters for six months—filming their daily prayers, tasks, rituals and rare outdoor excursions. This transcendent, closely observed film seeks to embody a monastery, rather than simply depict one—it has no score, no voiceover and no archival footage. What remains is stunningly elemental: time, space and light. One of the most mesmerizing and poetic chronicles of spirituality ever created, INTO GREAT SILENCE dissolves the border between screen and audience with a total immersion into the hush of monastic life. More meditation than documentary, it’s a rare, transformative theatrical experience for all.

2007 Grammy Music Awards

2007-02-17T13:04:00.000-06:00

This has to be one of the most amazing performances I've seen. I'm a huge John Mayer fan but Corrine Bailey Rae and John Legend are brilliant! I always love John Mayer best when he's live. Seeing him do tribute songs to other artists or join others on stage is always magical. Hope you enjoy!

Changing Worldviews

2007-02-11T13:11:00.000-06:00

According to Dr. (Miceal) Ledwith, the single greatest obstacle to our evolution is the way our culture often views God - as a God sitting up somewhere "registering the scores on his laptop as to whether we perform according to his designs or whether we're offending him, as it's put, an absolutely outrageous idea. How could we offend God? How could it matter so much to him? How could it, above all, matter that he would find it so serious a situation that he could conform us to an eternity of suffering? These are bizarre ideas."

And they are bizarre ideas: that in this vast universe, where there are more galaxies than grains of sand in all the oceans, that in that vastness, a group of people - well, men actually - on a small planet got the exclusive franchise for the pearly gate arches of heaven. And every other being in the universe will spend an eternity of suffering in hell. It's hard to imagine a more bizarre idea. And if that's the sort of God you believe in, you just have to wonder: How does that affect your view of the world?

What the Bleep Do We Know!? by William Arntz, Betsy Chasse, and Mark Vicente

I want to tell you how those concepts of God affected my worldview and how I demerged from it. I long ago recognized that my childhood view of God was distorted. I saw Him as a an old man with a flowing white beard and a quiver of lightning bolts waiting for me to screw up. I later came to know God as the Creator, as Sovereign, and as a Father. Nonetheless, my fear of failure and judgement continued to dominate my view of God and a perhaps even more distorted view of God developed. I believed that God loved us infinitely yet also convicted us and punished us into obedience with hell as the destination of all outsiders. As I continued to mature I became a quasi-theologian with a degree and vocation to match. I was trained to study and interpret the Bible for myself, and what I discovered did not line up with the worldview I was raised with. Even still I saw huge discrepancies between different parts of the Bible and between the Bible and everyday life.

The particular denomination I came out of taught that the Bible was infallible, inspired, and inerrant and could not be questioned. That's a problem because while the Bible speaks of the Divine it does so through the lips, hands, and lives of humans whose stories were recorded by humans and later debated over and arranged into a collection of books to communicate a particular theological worldview. Everything that did not match criteria consistent with that worldview was not included. Simply put, the Bible did not descend from a cloud on Mt. Sinai to Broadman & Holman Publishers.

When you don't hold that every jot and tittle are inerrant and study the Bible for what it is, the way it is, using various angles of approach, you come away with a very different worldview from the one I was raised with. When you honestly contemplate the vastness of time and space and the beauty and order of the world and ourselves, you come away with a very different perspective of who God may be and who we are. I'm not sure what I believe about God anymore or if I believe at all. Some days I don't believe, then other days I have an awareness that God is, even though I don't understand Him. I am closer now to what Einstein called "a cosmic religious feeling," a sense of connectedness and unity with all of life.

Writing now from that perspective, I don't understand how it is possible to offend a God such as this. At some point in the last five years, I lost my belief in hell as a place or destination. Although some people have caused such immeasurable human suffering, it seems such a place should be established just for them. In the last two to three years I've also lost my sense of "conviction," my concept of "sin," judgement, and retribution. My evangelical friends would say that I've "fallen away" and have lost all spiritual sensitivity to "sin." Maybe they're right, but I sure feel better without the 800 lb. gorilla on my back telling me how bad I am all day long. I live in wonder and awe in appreciation, trying to stretch my imagination and learn new things all the time. That to me seems much more in keeping with being a child of the divine.

People have to make that choice for themselves. Most people are happy with their life the way it is. Most people are happy with watching television and having a 9 to 5 job. Not to say that they are happy with it, but they are hypnotized into thinking that's normal. The person who has another urge inside of them that they're clearly interested in something else, all they need is a little bit of knowledge, and if they accept that knowledge as a possibility and if they embrace that knowledge over and over again, sooner or later, they'll begin to apply that knowledge.

Now for some people it may take five minutes, and for other people to take that first step may take an enormous amount of effort because they have to weigh that first step against everything they know, and everything they know is attached to the way their life is presently, all their agreements, all their relationships. And to take that first step means that they have to evaluate what it's going to look like by taking this step against what they know, and there's that battle between those two elements. But once we give ourselves permission to move outside the box, there's a definite sense of relief and definite sense of joy.

Dr. Joe Dispenza, What the Bleep Do We Know!? by William Arntz, Betsy Chase, and Mark Vicente

Out Loud by Mindy Smith

2007-02-05T12:19:00.000-06:00

Memorable Quotes

2007-01-28T22:17:00.000-06:00

I've been watching a ridiculous amount of movies lately since joining the Blockbuster Total Access program. There were a few quotes too good not to share from a few movies I've seen recently:

"The Universe will expand, then it will collapse back on itself, then it will expand again. It will repeat this process forever. What you don't know is that when the Universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make you will live through again and again forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around because this time is all you have."
Prot (Kevin Spacey), from K-PAX

"I do not know what the theme of my homily today ought to be. Do I want to talk about the miracle of our Lord's divine transformation? Not really, no. I don't want to talk about His divinity. I'd rather talk about His humanity. I mean, you know, how He lived His life here on earth. His kindness, His tolerance...Listen, here's what I think. I think we can't go 'round measuring our goodness by what we don't do, what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create, and who we include."
Young Priest Peri Henri (Hugh O'Conor), from Chocolat

What Would You Do?

2007-01-17T14:58:00.000-06:00

I finally watched The Davinci Code recently long after all the fuss died down. I thought it was a great movie. The plot was amazing and Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, and Ian McKellan were phenomenal. I liked the movie most for what it was, a movie. It is great entertainment, but I appreciate the courage to ask questions. No reasonable person I know believes The Davinci Code is anything more than a skillful compilation of myth and hypothetical theories assembled by the craftsman Dan Brown. No matter whether you fall on the side of "for" or "against," faith or science, the truth that is indisputable is that there are huge volumes of information about the birth, life, death, and possible lineage of Jesus that we do not know. In fact there is more that we don't know about Jesus than we do know, but that does not in any way diminish His impact upon the world and upon individuals. I'll save my summarizing and critiquing. I'd rather you watch the movie or read the book for yourself and make up your own mind. I personally found the most moving and transcendent part of the movie to be the final conversation between Robert and Sophie, which raises the most important question of the film, "What would you do?"

Sophie: What would you do, Robert?

Robert: Ok, maybe there is no proof. Maybe the grail is lost forever, but, Sophie, the only thing that matters is what you believe. History shows us Jesus was an extraordinary man, a human inspiration. That’s it. That’s all the evidence has ever proved, but when I was a boy… when I was down in that well Teabing told you about, I thought I was going to die, Sophie. What I did… I prayed. I prayed to Jesus to keep me alive so I could see my parents again, so I could go to school again, so I could play with my dog. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn’t alone down there. Why does it have to be human or divine? Maybe human is divine. Why couldn’t Jesus have been a father and still been capable of all those miracles?

Sophie: Like turning water into wine?

Robert: Well, who knows? His blood is your blood. Maybe that junkie in the park will never touch a drug again. Maybe you healed my phobia with your hands.

Sophie: And maybe you’re a knight in the grail quest.

Robert: Well, here’s the question. You’re a living descendant of Jesus Christ. Would she destroy faith, or would she renew it? So, I say again, what matters is what you believe.

Sophie: Thank you for bringing me here, for letting Him choose you, Sir Robert.

Christmas, Confusion, and Casino Cremation

2006-12-23T00:26:00.000-06:00

Christmas finds me wondering. I've been hearing pieces of the nativity story relayed through the mass marketing of Christmas by stores, churches, and news outlets, and for some reason this year it's sounding more and more like telling kids about Santa Claus to me. I've been on a slippery slope to agnosticism for a while, if I haven't already rolled to the bottom of the hill. I'll spare you the play by play of how I got here for now, but I'll give you a wide angle shot of the process.

When you've been behind the scenes preparing for the magic show and you've rehearsed it so many times you can do it in your sleep, when the big day comes it doesn't have the same flare for you as it does for the audience seeing it for the first time. It's sort of like the mystery entree at your favorite restaurant. You know you like it, just don't ask what's in it. Professional Christianity is a dangerous thing for those on stage. After a while, in fact during the whole presentation, you're asking yourself if you believe what you're selling. Here is the beginning of my post.

I've been reading Barbara Brown Taylor's book, Leaving Church, in which she compares her decision to leave the priesthood to a couple's decision to dissolve a marriage. You have to determine if it's the spouse you can't live with or the whole institution of marriage in general. Well, for me, it's just the whole institution of church I can't buy into anymore. It seems like a racket to me. Understand my sentiments are tempered by a couple years of post-ministry reflection, and I readily admit my current state of cynicism.

Being on the front lines close to the action was more than enough to put doubts in my mind as to the purpose and effectiveness of what we were doing in the church. Since leaving I have allowed everything I thought I believed to be vulnerable to suspicion and testing. I'm not going to cling to something for the rest of my life just because I was raised on it. It's got to go deeper than that for me, or I'm jumping ship and finding something else that I'm willing to live for.

I've tried to throw out everything I knew about church tradition and program and isolate a basic set of operational values by which I could live by. The more I widdled down the pulpit I didn't end up with anything resembling the church I knew. I understand more how we got in this mess and created this monster, but I don't have a clue as to how we are going to collectively get back to the original design.

My fasicination with astro-physics, origin and development of the universe and stellar systems, has led me into some deep theological waters. It is beyond amazing how much scientists and theorists have learned about where we come from and how this all got started. They readily admit they haven't unlocked the "mind of God" yet, but they are pretty dang close. So now the doubts that lingered in the back of my mind for years in the church have come forefront with scientific evidence that completely contradicts the conservative, literalist interpretation of the Bible, which I always had a problem with but didn't want to discuss.

I watched an amazing documentary on the History Channel the other night on the true history of Christmas, which traced its development from a "pagan" winter solstice celebration through its hijacking by the Church and ongoing battle between secular and religious observances. It was absolutely amazing. I'd known about many of the secular traditions that predated the religous traditions, but when strung together piece by piece it's so much easier to see how embellished the nativity story is. That just as Zionists in the time of David and the prophets hijacked local pagan mythology and adapted it to fit their Zionist tradition, so did the early oral tradition in the church pick up and adapt local mythology into the story of the birth of Jesus, as the Church would also intermingle the observation of the birth of Christ with ongoing pagan celebrations of Christmas.

I don't know if I'm going to throw the baby out with the bath water or what. I don't know what I believe anymore. I don't know if I'm going to believe again or not, but if I do, I will come back to the faith on entirely different foundations that those I was planted on.

I was asked by a close relative to assist with a funeral for a distant relative this Christmas weekend. I gave up weddings early this year. I've had enough of them. I quit. I think this may just end up being my last funeral. I haven't preached in a while. Been turning down invitations. I can't stand up in front of people and lie, and I'm pretty sure they're not ready to hear what I really think at this point. I haven't even been to church in months. I've enjoyed not going and really could care less about when and where I go back, although I have to lie and tell my church-going friends that I've visited a few places here and there, so they'll feel better and won't be burdened to witness to me. If I were to be honest about how I feel and what I think, it would seriously screw up the theology and self-confidence of a lot of people I know who are perfectly content being plugged into the Matrix. If they want to go down the rabbit hole one day, that's great, but I'm not pulling their plug until I know just where the hell this thing is going.

So after I got suckered into agreeing to "assist" with this guy's funeral, who I don't know, I found out it's a memorial service because he's going to be cremated. Ok, fine, whatever. Doesn't bother me none. Then I find out from family members that he was quite the "hell raiser" in his day. Never darkened the door of the church and was quite a jerk to most who knew him. He's been in nursing home for a while, lost a battle with cancer at 58. Kicker to the whole story I learn tonight is that when the memorial service is over his wife is spreading his ashes on the front lawn of the local casino, his favorite place in the whole world. So, here I am, a drop out preacher, on the verge of losing faith if not my mind, going to speak at this guy's funeral tomorrow who apparently didn't believe in anything except finding a machine that's hot. I got to admit, if God is real, He's got one hell of a sense of humor.

Then Let Us Doubt

2006-12-13T21:54:00.000-06:00

"The beginning of wisdom is found in doubting; by doubting we come to the question, and by seeking we may come upon the truth."

— Pierre Abelard

There are days when the questions roll on like the miles of the road. You stop one day and try to remember just where you are and how you got there. I've come to a lonely place and choose to sit awhile with myself. There is a strange romantic irony that only in losing yourself can you truly ever find yourself, that there is much we can learn when we realize that we know nothing.

Reflections on Emptiness

2006-11-28T13:36:00.000-06:00

A lot of wisdom can be found in fiction, if you read the right authors. My love of Robert James Waller has taken me to his non-fictional collection of essays called Old Songs In a New Cafe. My respect and love of his work grows with every page I read. Two of his essays, "Slow Waltz for Georgia Ann" and "The Turning of Fifty" are priceless treasures of love and wisdom. I want to share one such nugget from the latter:

When you feel yourself starting to become whole, it's all right to accept positions of power, but not before then. The overriding problem with our country, and our world in general, is that we are, in large part, managed by incompetents. Most of these are men who have spent their lives seeking power rather than themselves.

My contempt for politicians has grown to new heights in recent years with none exempt. When I read such a statement about "men who have spent their lives seeking power rather than themselves," I cannot help but think of the names Bush, Kerry, Kennedy, Clinton, and so on. I think no better candidates have been found as examples of T.S. Elliot's "Hollow Men." Yet for all their foolishness, we endure them. We reward them. We praise them. We elect them again and again.

Can we find those who have spent their lives seeking themselves to serve? An exceptionally poignant article by Thomas Sowell appeared in most of the nation's papers yesterday entitled, "The Washington Meat Grinder," in which he says:

This country needs to be able to draw on its best people from every walk of life and from every part of the political spectrum. But the nation is not going to get them if going to Washington means seeing the honorable reputation of a lifetime dragged through the mud just because someone disagrees with you on a political issue...
Washington has become a political meat grinder where character assassination is standard procedure. Clever and glib people say "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen." But the far larger question is whether the country can afford to repel people who are desperately needed but who may have too much self-respect to let political pygmies smear their character.

These are dangerous times indeed and the consequences of incompetence run amuck is grave, but perhaps Elliot is right,

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Reading and Thinking

2006-11-14T22:13:00.000-06:00

I thought it would be wise to update my blog to give some background to a new direction my thoughts have taken as of late. My questions are growing by the day, but gladly I'm also discovering answers. I'm slipping closer daily to becoming a heretic I suppose, but I'm confident that at the end of the day there will be something of substance left. Personal peace is worth the sacrifice of popular approval.

Recent reading includes:
Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Richard Bach
Bridges of Madison County, Robert James Waller
A Thousand Country Roads, Robert James Waller
There's No Such Place As Far Away, Richard Bach
Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, Richard Bach
A Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend, Robert James Waller
Border Music, Robert James Waller
Stephen Hawking's Universe: The Cosmos Explained, David Filkin and Stephen Hawking
One, Richard Bach
Biplane, Richard Bach
The Demon-Haunted World: Science As a Candle in the Dark, Carl Sagan
Leaving Church: A Memoir, Barbara Brown Taylor
Bridge Across Forever, Richard Bach

All come highly recommended. I'll add further posts soon to try to tie all this together for you.

A Moment of Clarity

2006-11-08T16:53:00.000-06:00

My fascination with learning has recently led me to astronomy and physics. The thought occured to me that of all matter in the universe, living and static, humans stand alone in their capacity to choose. Every heavenly body moves according to the laws of physics and has no will of its own. While we can't violate the laws of physics, we have a certain amount of freedom to live within them.

Everyday we are free to make choices about what we will think, where we will go, and what we will say, yet for all our freedom the sum of our choices are so very fleeting in light of the eternity of space and time. We will be forgotten. In time those who remember us will be forgotten. It seems that even the consequences of all our choices will eventually be erased given enough time. Our bodies, our thoughts, and our actions were, are, and soon will be energy once more. From the stars we came and to the stars we will go.

Mass gives up its form and turns to energy once more, E=MC2. In a scientific sense the only thing that is truly eternal is pure energy, even though it will be converted into mass again then back to energy in a perpetual cosmic dance. It begs the question "what in life really matters," given our seemingly small and brief moment in the universe. Are any of our thoughts, actions, things, relationships going to survive for more than a moment?

Our unique place in the universe should give us some insight into who we are and what really matters. While there undoubtedly are beings in the universe more evolved and more advanced than we are, our process of evolution should give us some clue into what we are becoming. We are social creatures by our very nature. What may be called the development of civilization in human history is yet one more maturing step along this great process of evolution. When comparing 21st century humans to our predecessors we have made remarkable advancements. If we project that maturation into the future, especially at the exponential rate of development we've seen in the last 100 years, it is beyond comprehension to imagine what our potential could be. We are most noble when we are most loving, when we are selfless. It is not too dreamy to imagine a time and place when we will have grown up past our fears and our prejudices. Certainly, others must have done it somewhere, somehow. However, it is also frightening to imagine in how many other lifetimes and civilizations people have chosen not to evolve. Rather than chosing to love, they choose to destroy, and miss their destiny.

It is disheartening to know that no matter how advanced we or other civilizations become, in time they end. Cosmic collisions and stellar burnouts occur all the time, and when they do the process starts over again as though it had never began in the first place. The slate is wiped clean. It is this beautiful thing we call life. It is rare and precious beyond comprehension. This wonderful mysterious process has been referred to as "the mind of God" by Albert Einstein and others. For all that we now know, there are some things that will always be just out of our reach to fully understand. We cannot fully know the mind of God, less we become God ourselves, yet I believe we can know his heart.

By knowing His heart we can know ourselves, created in His image. We can know the wonderous potential we have to be human. By our actions we choose everyday to deny or to embrace the gift that is life. There is only one way to be fully human, to be fully divine, to be fully timeless. That way is love. Only love is eternal. Nothing else remains. When we choose love, we aspire to the greatest of all human achivements. The pinnacle of evolution lasts only for seconds amid the vastness of time and space, before the tide comes in and washes our sand castles out to sea, but for that moment we embrace our destiny. We proudly embrace our place in the universe as those who love. I have to believe that somehow in "the mind of God," beyond our comprehension, such an incredible achievement as love, is not lost upon time and space. Today with this word, with this action, we choose to love, to be more than we are, to be timeless.

LSU Home Game

2006-09-13T15:56:00.000-05:00

LSU vs. Arizona
September 9, 2006

I was fortunate enough to get free tickets to the second game of the 2006-07 season. We had great seats, and it was surreal to be in Death Valley. It was a close one. The Tigers only won by 45-3 that night.

Go Tigers!!!

Losing Faith

2006-08-18T12:37:00.000-05:00

Real Live Preacher's recent blog entry could not have come at a better time for me. It deals with losing faith and finding it again, "St. John of the Cross said that there are paths we travel as children in the faith, but real faith doesn't come until you reach the end of the path and find nothing." Well, I think I'm almost at the end of the path.

Most people assume that clergy and Biblical scholars have a depth of faith that borders on naivete. I think for many of us faith exists despite what we have learned not because of it. When you discover truth, you have to act upon it. Either you dismiss it wholesale as blasphemy, or it wrestle with it until you are able to incorporate it into your worldview. I've found that the people in the pew have a far deeper, innocent, and simple faith. I've always respected the simple faith of the people I preach to, even envied it. I've always tried to challenge people's thinking but never in an attempt to make them lose faith. My focus has always been on the end product of our faith. Does it impact our daily choices for the better? If so, our faith has worth. Tragically, I've known many pious people who were judgemental, racist, sexist, homophobic, and power hungry who used their faith to justify and embolden their views. I've come to learn that faith is not the sum of what you believe based on experience and fact. It is a choice you make.

Faith and Mystery

2006-08-18T10:33:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Ideas and Opinions by Albert Einstein, which has fascinated me. The pursuit of the meaning of our existence seemed absurd to him. He thought the most beautiful experience we can have as human beings is the mysterious. If we lose our capacity to wonder, he said we are as good as dead. It was the experience of mystery that fostered religion, and only in that sense did he consider himself religious.

I cannot conceive of a God who rewards and punishes his creatures, or has a will of the kind that we experience in ourselves. Neither can I nor would I want to conceive of an individual that survives his physical death; let feeble souls, from fear or absurd egoism, cherish such thoughts. I am satisfied with the mystery of the eternity of life and with the awareness and a glimpse of the marvelous structure of the existing world, together with the devoted striving to comprehend a portion, be it ever so tiny, of the Reason that manifests itself in nature.

He talked about three motivations or stages of religion. First, there is a religion of fear. Gods are fashioned, served, and appeased to aleve our fears of hunger, sickness, death, etc., which also establishes a priestly caste to serve as mediators between the people and the gods they fear. Secondly, there is the God of Providence based upon a social or moral conception of God who protects, rewards, punishes, comforts, loves, and keeps the dead. He says that the scriptures illustrate the development of a religion of fear into moral religion.

Though rare he says there is another level of religious experience which he calls a "cosmic religious feeling" prompted in part by the futility of human desires and the wonder at the natural order revealed in nature and the world of thought. This feeling distinguishes the religious geniuses of all ages, which are often regarded as heretics. It "knows no dogma and no God conceived in man's image; so that there can be no church whose central teachings are based on it." He believed it is "the most important function of art and science to awaken this feeling and keep it alive in those who are receptive to it."

I feel like I'm in a rut of sorts, somewhere between a moral religion and a cosmic religious feeling. It depends on which day you ask me. Regardless of where we find ourselves, I hope that we never lose our capacity to wonder. I don't believe it's our calling as human beings to explain the Mystery but to embrace it.

Costly Grace

2006-08-14T12:50:00.000-05:00

These are my reflections on the first chapter of The Cost of Discipleship, "Costly Grace."

Bonhoeffer's argument for "costly grace" over "cheap grace" at first seems to contradict his attack upon the religious trappings of the church which overburden people and make genuine decisions for Christ difficult. He describes cheap grace as "the grace we bestow upon ourselves... it is the justification of sin without justification of the sinner... preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance... grace without discipleship... grace without the cross."

"By making this grace available on the cheapest and easiest terms" the Church may have Christianized a nation but at the expense of true discipleship. "We gave away the word and sacraments wholesale, we baptized, confirmed, and absolved a whole nation unasked and without condition." The call to follow Jesus fell silent.

The danger of cheap grace is that "the account has been paid in advance; and, because it has been paid, everything can be had for nothing." What I have come to understand is that he argues against religious prerequisites to receiving grace. That it is indeed the free gift of God that cannot be earned, bought, or bestowed by man, but he is also passionately attacking "grace as a license to sin," that recipients of grace cannot rest content living just like the world. While the grace of God is free, it is a costly gift, and the receipt of such a gift makes us stewards of His grace. As those who have been forgiven so great a debt, we are under a holy obligation to follow after Christ, which we do at the cost of our very lives. In the end he says that the message of cheap grace has ruined more Christians than any commandment of works.

Martin Luther's departure from the monastery was "the worst blow the world had suffered since the days of early Christianity. The renunciation he made when he became a monk was child's play compared with that which he had to make when he returned to the world." Until that time the Christian life was believed only possible to the spiritual elite, but now Luther demonstrated that "the only way to follow Jesus was by living in the world." He says that Luther learned that "grace had cost him his very life, and must continue to cost him the same price day by day." The Reformation launched a revolution of believers who had been called to follow Christ in their everyday lives. Grace could no longer be separated from discipleship, as though it were optional. The most urgent problem in Bonhoeffer's day as well as ours is "How can we live the Christian life in the modern world?"

Reading Update

2006-08-14T10:52:00.000-05:00

The Cost of Discipleship is proving to be one of the toughest books I've read. I'm having to read each chapter four times just to process them. This is not the book you read in bed after midnight. It will give you a migraine. I don't know if it's because it was written in the 30's or because it was translated from German, but it's just tough to read at times. Generally, by the second time I read a chapter I understand what he is saying. The third time I read just to argue with him and myself about what he is saying. Finally, it starts to come together for me about the fourth walk through. The real reason I find the book so hard is that it challenges most everything I think I know about following Christ. If it were any other author, I'd dismiss parts of it and keep reading, but this is Dietrich Bonhoeffer. While he is not infallible, his words are weighty enough that they demand to be wrestled with and worked out in my life.

I just got Dallas Willard's book The Diving Conspiracy. I'm excited to start reading it after hearing what a friend of mine said about it, plus seeing it quoted so many times in blogs and books. I think it will be my bedtime reader. Bonhoeffer will be reserved for those moments when I'm alert and my brain cells are firing in synch. After hearing quite a few Einstein quotes and theories in a movie recently, I decided to get his book, Ideas and Opinions, which appears to cover a broad range of topics beyond science.

I watched Kingdom of Heaven with Orlando Bloom last night. It was an awesome movie about the fall of Jerusalem to the Muslims between the Second and Third Crusades. The movie helped to put the Middle East conflict in historical perspective and has great discussion starters about tolerance and diversity. I'm a history nut, but I thought it was an awesome movie. I stayed up till almost 2:00 a.m. reading 10 chapters of Church History covering the rise of Christendom in Europe, the medieval Church, and the crusades.

The library called this morning to say that my book(s) were ready to be picked up. I think there's at least three. I like to multi-task my reading to keep it interesting. Life's too short to be ignorant.

Sin Cargo

2006-08-11T13:53:00.000-05:00

I received my first ever credit card offer in español today. I suppose they thought I wasn't responding to the previous 100 offers because I couldn't read English. The first thing that caught my attention on the envelope was the bold phrase "Sin Cargo." Having just finished a blog entry on the unnecessary weight of religious baggage that we carry around, my mind first thought of the theological weight of such a phrase before I realized it wasn't English.

To my further amazement and sheer delight I found out, one Google search later, that the translation of the phrase is "without charge." Imagine that! Consider the weight of all the junk you carry around with you unnecessarily. No charge! The debt is already paid. So, why don't we just drop it already?

The Cost of Discipleship

2006-08-11T09:26:00.000-05:00

After reading about Dietrich Bonhoeffer for a long time I finally decided to read The Cost of Discipleship for myself. I noticed that several emerging churches and the Northumbria Community cite his book as inspiration. I thought for my own benefit I would share some of my reflections.

The birth pains of change in the Church are worth the cost if the end result is "a richer understanding of the Scriptures" and "a more determined quest for Him who is the sole object of it all." Bonhoeffer talks about the difficulty people have in making a "genuine decision for Christ" because the Message is "overlaid with so much human ballast - burdensome rules and regulations, false hopes and consolations... so overburdened with ideas and expressions which are hopelessly out of touch with the mental climate in which they live." His words are so relevant that it is hard to believe that this book was written in 1937.

Bonhoeffer might as well be addressing modern-day fundamentalists when he describes the "Church's concern to erect a spiritual tyranny over men, by dictating to them what must be believed and performed in order to be saved, and by presuming to enforce that belief and behaviour with the sanctions of temporal and eternal punishment." He challenges us to cast off these man-made burdens and to receive the yoke of Christ which is easy.

I for one have often found myself struggling to live for Christ. Frankly, it's not easy. It's tough, but Bonhoeffer says one of the reasons we have found it so difficult is because of the weight of all the religious garbage that we have inherited, albeit unknowingly, "Only the man who follows the command of Jesus single-mindedly, and unrestingly lets his yoke rest upon him, finds his burden easy, and under its gentle pressure receives the power to persevere in the right way. The command of Jesus is hard, unutterably hard, for those who try to resist it. But for those who willingly submit, the yoke is easy, and the burden is light." I think we still are trying to earn His love, rather than submit and receive it freely, so we resist Him and choose misery over joy. Bonhoeffer pleads with us, "may we be enabled to say 'No' to sin and 'Yes' to the sinner." Perhaps that sinner is ourself.

Is It Really a Bad Thing?

2006-08-02T13:09:00.000-05:00

There are many different voices in the emerging conversation, which I particularly believe is a good thing. The diversity of opinion within this movement makes it very difficult to define and label by its opponents. Often the only criticism that gets any traction is that the emergent is free-for-all theology. Consider the following quote:

"The great confusion that exists in the divergent positions of the Emergent Church results from their challenging the final authority of the Scriptures. When you no longer have a final authority, then everyone's ideas become as valid as the next person's, and it cannot help but end in total confusion and contradictions." Calvary Chapel's statement on the Emergent taken from Mark Driscoll's blog on theresurgence.com

If the byproduct of this conversation is that "everyone's ideas become as valid as the next person's," isn't that a good thing? I disagree that the end result is "total confusion and contradiction." You only have total confusion and contradiction when a participant in the conversation believes his particular position is infallible and absolute. If you can engage in a conversation with respect for the viewpoints of others, humility, and an openness to the possibility that you may be wrong, amazing things can take place. We used to call that fellowship.

It occurred to me that when our forefathers in the faith sat down in these early church councils to hammer out the foundation stones of our theology, they didn't begin with consensus. While the end product of those councils was a unified statement of belief, that certainly did not mean that each person completely abandoned their own opinion but rather compromised and collaborated so that the finished product would represent the totality of the community.

I paused this morning to be thankful that I was born in a country and a particular time in history when it is not illegal to think for yourself and question everything, no matter how threatening that may be to the status quo.

Enough Already

2006-07-31T14:15:00.000-05:00

Is this missions or an invasion?

Churches Putting Town Out of Business

The Runaway Bunny

2006-06-09T23:17:00.000-05:00

The only thing my boys love to do more than play in the dirt is to read books. This morning we must have read 15 books in a row while momma was gone. One of the books we read was a classic you may remember, The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown illustrated by Clement Hurd. It's been a while since I've read it last and this morning it took on new meaning. I've learned to expect to find God in unusual places. I try to be sensitive to the fact that He speaks in many ways and often at odd times. This morning it was in a familiar children's book.

Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away.
So he said to his mother, "I am running away."
"If you run away," said his mother, "I will run after you.
For you are my little bunny."

Tommy Tenney has built an entire ministry around the idea of chasing after God based upon an encounter he had playing with his daughter. Although I've heard him explain it several times, I still don't get it. It's definitely my fault because I've never known a God I had to chase. All my life He's been chasing me, and time after time I run away.

I heard a lot about the thunder and lightning kind of God when I grew up, and I was really scared of Him. Every time I screwed up, I always expected God to punish me for it. Over time warped theology develops into warped psyche. On some level you come to crave guilt and wallow in it. Whenever we discover that God doesn't zap you with lightning, there are two dangerous journeys we are likely to make. We can take easy street casting off all restraint and rejecting authority, or we can embark on a self-induced guilt trip punishing ourselves when others won't. Eventually, even the guilt trip got old, and I got tired of running.

"Shucks," said the little bunny, "I might as well
stay where I am and be your little bunny."
And so he did."Have a carrot," said the mother bunny.

I'm a long way from normal, but I'm learning to let God love me. God won me over. The thunder and lightning stuff didn't phase me. I never found God in that. What blew me away was the relentless love of God for me, a ragamuffin. Every time I stopped running long enough to pay attention, I found God waiting for me, patiently, persistently. I learned just like the runaway bunny that I might as well stay because God has good things for me.

So when I read this story this morning, I saw a snapshot of God. I invite you to read and reflect upon excerpts of this love story as though they came from the mouth of the Shepherd Himself:

"If you become a fish in a trout stream,
I will become a fisherman and I will fish for you."

"If you become a rock on a mountain high above Me,
I will be a mountain climber, and I will climb to where you are."

"If you become a crocus in a hidden garden,
I will be a gardner. And I will find you."

"If you become a bird and fly away from me,
I will be a tree that you come home to."

"If you become a sailboat and sail away from me,
I will become the wind and blow you where I want you to go."

"If you go flying on a flying trapeze,
I will be a tightrope walker, and I will walk across the air to you."

"If you become a little boy and run into the house,
I will become your mother and catch you in my arms and hug you."

This is the way God put it:
"They found grace out in the desert,
these people who survived the killing.
Israel, out looking for a place to rest,
met God out looking for them!"

God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will.
Expect love, love, and more love!"

~ Jeremiah 31:2,3 The Message

Why I Can't Give Up?

2006-06-05T22:30:00.000-05:00

There is a process at work in the body of Christ of deconstructing/constructing, demerging/emerging, detoxing/recovering, etc. that I have been chronicling and experiencing first hand for a few years. I believe that before we can go forward spiritually healthy and on-target with respect to purpose and mission we must identify all of those things that have become part of the religious experience of Christendom that are foreign to the true nature of the body of Christ. Because this is a process we are engaged in and not simply a decision or belief system we subscribe to, it is messy. One of the criticisms made of people on this journey, like myself, is that we are indecisive or lacking in conviction, but one of the dangers I've found in the 3D part of this journey (deconstructing/demerging/detoxing) is that negativity can become toxic if not kept in check.

It is always easier to identify the wrongs in other people and systems, but it is much more difficult to make the necessary changes in ourselves and be a positive agent for change. While voices crying in the wilderness are needed, at some point there must be a guide to get us out of the wilderness and back to the business we are called to be about. Painful past experiences in the church or general disillusion with the current establishment can and has led many believers away from the church, which may not be a bad thing, but the process is incomplete if we do not reconstruct, emerge, and recover into a new dynamic that is healthier.

One of the foundational components of the life of a follower of Jesus Christ is a real and personal relationship with the Master. For me and many others this journey has led us to a deeper, more meaningful encounter with the living Christ. Some people believe that Christianity can be practiced in a vacuum, that the church is optional as long as you have a personal relationship with Christ. I have come to know that the Church is not optional, although many churches are unhealthy. For the past few days I've been reflecting on the fact that the Church is not optional for me.

I have struggled with trying to regroup within a new kind of community. While I've found a number of people with similar frustrations regarding programmed church, many of them have stalled in the process by not going through the 3D process and emerging on the other side in a new kind of community. I think negativity and bitterness have derailed many people in the church, and many others just don't see the point anymore. While I'm tempted to agree with the latter, I know there is a point. There are three reasons why I can't give up.

First, there is the issue of Calling for me. While I shutter to think of myself pastoring again in the traditional vocational sense, I cannot leave the Church because the Church didn't call me. I would consider myself disqualified for the calling had I ever been qualified in the first place. While I am forced to reevaluate and reinterpret the calling God placed on my life in light of the journey I am on, I cannot deny that it took place, because it was confirmed in my life in undeniable ways. I'm still in the middle of trying to reconcile my calling with where I am and where I am going, nonetheless it is always with me reminding me that I am not my own.

Secondly, I have a deep innate desire to experience Community, real authentic Christian community. I am very grateful for the relationship I have with my wife and a few close friends who understand me and help me process life, but I think we have a God given desire to belong to a larger community, i.e. our kinsmen, our tribe, our nation, and our fellow man. A small group is a vital part of the body of Christ, but it is only a small part and incomplete without the diversity and strength of the rest of the body.

Lastly and tandem to community, I have a passionate desire for Worship. While some of the most intimate worship experiences of my life were those I had alone with God. There is something indescribable about the corporate worship of Christ followers ablaze with the presence of God in their midst. No man is an island. There are entire dynamics of the body of Christ that we will never know apart from the corporate experience of the body of Christ. It is an act of humility, vulnerability, and love to take this journey with others.

While I am resolute not to give up on the Church, I don't know what, if any, local fellowship I will inevitably be in. None of us are perfect. Do we gather with those most like us? Do we form a new gathering? Do we gather with those who need our help the most? All I know is that we must keep gathering.

Words Less Spoken

2006-05-29T19:03:00.000-05:00

Several months later it seems prudent to explain the title of my blog for those who haven't already figured it out. "Words Less Spoken" is an adaptation of the closing line of Robert Frost's well known poem "The Road Not Taken,"

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

In 1972 NBC news correspondent Carl Stern interviewed Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel two weeks before he died. In that interview Stern asked him what message he would have for young people. Rabbi Heschel responded, “Let them be sure that every little deed counts, that every word has power, and that we do our share to redeem the world.” I hope that my words will not further clutter the atmosphere of ideas but may add something of substance to this dialogue that is community. May the words less spoken be words worth speaking.

Three Kinds of Christians

2006-05-10T16:24:00.000-05:00

I've been reading The Man Called Cash, the authorized biography of Johnny Cash by Steve Turner, and have been enjoying it immensely. I read that he was criticized for spending so much time with prisoners. He responded that he thought there were three different kinds of Christians: "there's preaching Christians, church-playing Christians, and there's practicing Christians. I'm trying very hard to be a practicing Christian." May we all keep trying.

Another Pair of Socks

2006-05-08T16:19:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged much the past two weeks. Life is good. All is well. Nothing to get excited about. I've just been enjoying my favorite shows, reading great books, and playing lots of poker. I am still shocked that there are only 3 new episodes of The Sopranos left. It seems like the season just started, and by all accounts this will probably be the last one.

Last night in the episode, "The Ride," Tony was seeing his shrink Dr. Melfi, and she asked him if he was bored. He paused and reminded her that since he was shot he sees every day as a gift, then quipped "but does it have to be a pair of socks?"

I guess it could be worse. It could be underwear.

A Symphony of Significance

2006-04-23T22:32:00.000-05:00

I watched Mr. Holland's Opus again last night for about the fifth time. I love the movie most because it's about purpose and significance in life. I see most of life differently these days than I used to, so even watching a familiar movie can be a new experience.

Near the end of the film upon Mr. Holland's forced retirement he says, "You work for 30 years because you think that what you do makes a difference, you think it matters to people, but then you wake up one morning and find out, well no, you've made a little error there, you're expendable. I should be laughing." That struck a nerve in me because it verbalizes how I felt after seven years of pastoral ministry.

In real life seldom do we walk into an auditorium filled with friends and acquaintances cheering in gratitude for the difference we've made in their lives. Maybe we'll never really know the measure of our contribution, but God knows. His opinion is the only one we should be concerned about.

You see, everyday I wake up to two little boys shouting my name. God gave them to me, and everyday presents me with an opportunity to make an imprint on their lives deeper and more lasting than anyone else can ever make, one I pray that bears a resemblance to Him. Because they matter, I matter. So we discover that we find our significance most in helping others find their own.

Saddle Up

2006-04-19T21:42:00.000-05:00

My friend, Sim Church Planter, and I were in east Texas today at a Hastings video/bookstore killing time during lunch drinking espresso and reading books for free. While in line for our espresso, a small, irate woman with heavy hillbilly twang stormed into the store and handed her three video rental returns to the clerk with the exclamation, "This is sick! I want my money back!" The clerk was puzzled and questioned what she meant. She said, "I tried to watch this movie, but this is sick. I want my money back!" The clerk calmly replied, "Maam, we can't return your money if you rent a movie and don't like it. Didn't you read the back of the case to see what it was about?" The firecracker popped back, "I didn't have my glasses!" When the clerk repeated her apology that the store would not return her money, the woman huffed out the door. As soon as she left, the clerk nearby asked which movie was in question. The clerk said, "Brokeback Mountain." Those of us privileged to the encounter erupted in laughter. For the next hour you could hear spontaneous outbursts of laughter coming from the front of the store as different employees and customers heard the saga.

Can you imagine the poor woman's shock? She picked up what she hoped was a good western with two good looking cowboys on the front of the box, only to discover those two in the throws of passion within the first few minutes of the movie. I bet she swallowed her snuff. I'd like to thank her for making our six hour round trip worthwhile. Oh, what a small world some choose to live in.

Eccumenical Message on Easter

2006-04-17T00:05:00.000-05:00

I don't know how many of you were able to watch TV Easter Sunday morning, but Tim Russert hosted an interfaith dialogue on his Sunday morning news show, Meet the Press. His special guests were"

Sister Joan Chittister of the Order of St. Benedict and author, “Called to Question: A Spiritual Memoir”
Rabbi Michael Lerner of the Beyt Tikkun Synagogue in California and author, “The Left Hand Of God: Taking Back Our Country From the Religious Right”
Jon Meacham, managing editor, Newsweek magazine, and author, “American Gospel: God, the Founding Fathers and the Making of a Nation”
Sayyed Hossein Nasr, professor of Islamic Studies, George Washington University and author, “The Heart of Islam: Enduring Values for Humanity”
Reverend Richard John Neuhaus, editor, First Things, and author, “Catholic Matters: Confusion, Controversy and the Splendor of Truth”
Joel Osteen, senior pastor, Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas, and author, “Your Best Life Now; 7 Steps To Living At Your Full Potential.”

The discussion was riveting. Anyone with emerging interests would genuinely appreciate the content and tone of their dialogue. I encourage you to read the full transcript for yourself. I found Sister Chittister, Father Neuhaus, and Sayyed Hossein Nasr to be the most intriguing guests. Sister Chittister in particular had several things to say that left me seriously re-evaluating my thought process on several important social issues. I appreciate the challenge.

On the home front, let me also recognize the Interfaith Symposiums recently held in Cenla by Rabbi Arnold Task of the Congregation Gemiluth Chassodim, Pastor Leem Weems of Emmanuel Baptist Church, and Majed Sabke, former Imam of the Islamic Center, all of Alexandria. While I was unable to attend the events, I appreciate the message they conveyed to our community about the importance of respectful civil discourse in the pursuit of common ground.

Fresh Revelations

2006-04-10T23:07:00.000-05:00

I started reading a demythologized biography of St. Patrick the week of the patron Saint's holiday and finished it today at the dentist's office. I learned today that Hibernia is a variation of the native name for Ireland, so the green theme color of Hibernia National Bank must be a cultural statement and not a slight of hand to make you see cash. Somehow the brand transition to Capital One doesn't quite have the same folk appeal, unless you count the Vikings' prod, "What's in your wallet?"

On a slightly more serious note I was drinking a wonderful Cabernet-Merlot blend from Washington State reading Proverbs and Ecclesiastes this evening when I found an awesome verse which I've also added to the top of my blog,

With the help of a bottle of wine and all the wisdom I could muster,
I tried my level best to penetrate the absurdity of life.
~ Ecclesiastes 2:3, The Message

How cool is that? You've got to love Solomon and Eugene Peterson, don't you? They go together just like a Cab-Merlot. One final quote to share,

The words of the wise prod us to live well.
They're like nails hammered home, holding life together.
They are given by God, the one Shepherd.
~ Ecclesiastes 12:11, The Message

My friend, Sim Church Planter, first introduced me to the name Gotthammer, which he explained was an obvious adaptation of "God's hammer." The origin of that expression fails me at the moment, but how succinctly this verse makes it clear. Words are powerful, even life changing. When crafted carefully they drive home the point and endure. Less any wordsmith become vain, we must not forget that truly wise words are gifts from God. We are but the hammer, albeit, a little hammer, that drives them home.

Let us thank Him for the words He gives.
Let us thank Him for the nails that hold life together.
Let us thank Him for the Word He gave.
Let us thank Him for the love that held Him there.
God make us a hammer in thy hand.

Escaped Convict Loose in Town

2006-04-07T11:58:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't heard about the convicted murdered who escaped from a local maximum security federal prison and is running loose in our community, please read about it at The Town Talk.

Before we all jump on the bandwagon of playing "Monday morning quarterback" and take cheap shots at the Ball Police department for releasing escaped convict Richard McNair, let us not forget the more important question, "Why was he able to escape in the first place?" No law enforcement agency should be held to greater accountability for trying to capture the escapee than should the Federal Bureau of Prisons for allowing him to escape.

In years gone by the construction of new prisons in small communities was seen to be a blight and a threat to public safety. However, in recent years the economic impact has far overshadowed any perceived threat largely due to the assurances of greater technology. Richard McNair did not escape from the minimum security work camp. He escaped from the state of the art maximum security federal penitentiary.

Before any new prison begins receiving inmates in Pollock, the Federal Bureau of Prisons should give the public notice of steps being taken to insure their safety and also reimburse local law enforcement agencies for the enormous costs of manpower and resources expended to apprehend a convict from their facility.

Next Question, Please

2006-03-30T10:56:00.000-06:00

I saw this headline on foxnews.com today:
"What would drive a schoolteacher and mother to shoot her minister husband?"

Short answer:
The Church

Life Never Better, Death Never More Certain

2006-03-20T22:25:00.000-06:00

If you've read much of my blog, you will know that I've been like a kid in the candy store the last year and a half learning to live life all over again. I've been through self-admitted detox to break my addiction to vocational Christianity and have begun the journey to truly know Christ and to know myself. My family is well and happy. I wish I could freeze time and keep my two boys at 4 and 1.5 years old forever, if not for the joy of watching them grow up. I'm in love with my wife who is still my best friend after 13 years. My business is finally turning a corner, and 2006 is looking to be my best year yet. I'm in love with life and am pursuing my passions.

Before you think I'm in a state of disillusioned euphoria, let me tell you that I have never been more in touch with reality. My mood vacillates almost as much as the balance in my checkbook. All things considered life is good, very good, and for that reason death is beginning to sting. Watching my kids grow up and the seasons change makes time seem to race on by. Who knows how many more years God will allow me. Forty, if I'm lucky. 1976 didn't used to seem that long ago. My grandparents are getting older, and their health is failing. My grandfather was invincible when we were growing up, and now he seems very human. My grandmother has alzheimers and doesn't even know her own husband or her own children anymore.

I read the Bible differently these days. I try to read it for what it really says, not for what I want it to say, or for what others have told me it says. [This is the point in the movie where you may want to change channels for a bit or risk getting really messed up theologically.] I'm not so sure anymore what I believe about heaven and hell. If both are real, something tells me people won't be divided up so nice and neatly as we've been led to believe. If Jesus told us anything about it, He said that there will be a lot of surprises for many people. Some days I default to the nice Sunday School version of life that allows you to sleep in peace knowing that you're an insider and have nothing to worry about. Some days I think that the blood of Christ covers every sin and no one is turned away. Some days I wonder if we just don't die like every other creature and cease to be, simply return to the earth from which we came. No matter, death still stings.

I fell in love with the music of Johnny Cash some time last year, especially his later recordings. Johnny Cash was a man in touch with death and pain. He was able to vocalize what we think and feel about death like no other. You cannot listen to his music and not come face to face with your own mortality, which, I believe, is the key to truly enjoying life. The stark reality of death makes life more precious.

I don't think we should live in fear of death but nor should we surrender to it. I've seen many terminally ill people over the years who cling to every last breath they can muster long after their body has given out. There is something in the human spirit that fights against death and clings to life. I'm not afraid to die, but not because I know exactly what happens after death. I'm not afraid to die, because I know God and trust Him to do with me what He will. Until my time comes, and it will, I will celebrate life and enjoy every day I'm given. One day, I will fight the good fight then lay this body down and rest in Him.

All You Need to Know

2006-03-19T00:01:00.000-06:00

The only consolation I have when the weekend ends is that Tuesday night is only a day away. Boston Legal boasts some of the most brilliant and talented writers and actors of any show on television, and like sharing a nightcap with an old friend on a balcony overlooking the Boston skyline, the show is even better when sipping a merlot with my friend on Tuesday night cackling at James Spader and William Shatner.

The show began this past week with Alan Shore's secretary Melissa being arrested for tax evasion because she returned a tax notice to the IRS with a post-it note bearing the direction to "Stick It!" While assessing the merits of her defense Alan asked her why she would do such a thing. She responded matter of factly that she did it "for my grandfather." Alan quipped back, "I suppose you thought you told me everything I need to know."

While working in Florida the last two weeks with my friend and business partner, Sim Church Planter, we came to the conclusion that Pensacola has an obscene number of churches. There is almost one on every street corner, if not a pair of them, each blinding the public with religious graffiti to sell their special niche in "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show." It's enough to make you nauseous or at least run through on Sunday morning turning over tables and sending turtledoves flying.

One particular church edifice was particularly inviting. Smyrna Baptist Church on Pensacola Blvd. boasted a massive white-washed brick facade on a busy street corner proudly displaying the church name and two descriptive signs on the left and right:

Fundamental
Missional
Doctrinal
KJV - 1611

and

Fundamental
Premillenial
Traditional
KJV - 1611

I thought it impressive that they listed fundamental and KJV 1611 on both signs . If they are trying to reach unchurched people, they might as well be speaking Martian, because those religious buzzwords mean jack to the general public. They do however preach loudly to the choir of the converted and brainwashed. "If you don't measure up, you need not apply."

If that's you, take heart and be not discouraged, because there is "A Church with a Choice," at least that's what their gigantic interstate billboard says on I-110. On opposing sides there are pictures of a guitar and a violin with the consoling words "Contemporary" or "Traditional." As my astute friend pointed out, they only offer the illusion of a choice because no matter how you spin it, it's still the same old song and dance.

I suppose both churches thought they told us all we needed to know. It begs the questions for something of substance. Surely, there is more to being a follower of Jesus Christ than clever puns, fundraising ads, and program promotions convey. If you only had a few seconds to make an impact upon thousands of people a day, what would you do? Evangelism is not a marketing strategy; it is a lifestyle.

So, Now What?

2006-03-11T23:21:00.000-06:00

I've been reading through Frank Viola's book Pagan Christianity at the urging of my friend, Sim Church Planter, and another reader who posted a comment on my blog entry discussing a Viola article. This book only provides historical support for the gut feeling I've had for years that something is terribly wrong with the way we do church.

Honestly, I stopped reading the book after reading the first two chapters and the last two. I'll finish the middle some time later. The reason I stopped is not that I disagreed with Viola, but that I found myself screaming "so, now what?" I don't need to spend days listening to someone tell me what I've already found to be true by experience. To Frank's credit, he suggests reading his companion book Rethinking the Wineskin to learn about the practices of the first century church. Great marketing there, Frank... put the problem and the solution in two different books. Now, I've got to go nuts until I get the other one.

Seriously, his entire premise and the facts that support it raises serious questions and strong emotions for me. First, the emotions... I feel like a charlatan for propagating this stuff for years in the church as a pastor. I would march myself down to my former churches tomorrow morning, confess my deception, and beg for mercy, if only they wouldn't have me committed or, worse, burned at the stake. My genuine remorse for deceiving the faithful is tempered by my anger for being personally hood-winked and sold a bill of goods since childhood.

Now, for some questions, beyond the obvious, "what do we do now?" Honestly, in a pursuit to be 1st century ecclesiological purists, aren't we simply trading one tradition for another, albeit a simpler and much older one? Hijacking pagan rituals and customs is evident much earlier in scripture, i.e. David and the Zionist tradition or Abraham offering Isaac as a child sacrifice. Scripturally, the nature of the relationship between God and humanity evolved from pre-history until the time of Christ and the 1st century church. Who are we to say that it must cease to evolve to a deeper level? Do we not make the same misguided assumption that Solomon did in Ecclesiastes that what is has already been and there is nothing new under the sun?

I think there are values that should be gleaned and replicated from the 1st century church, but honestly, it is not a prototype for all time. God did not dispense His Spirit into a perfect vessel that only cracked several centuries later in Rome, nor did Christ choose the perfect spotless bride who only grew uglier with time. God chose cracked pots. Christ chose a prostitute for a bride, much the same as Hosea. We are what we are, and He loves us nonetheless.

I think it unwise to lump all pagan practices into the category of evil influences, as compared to the spiritual utopia that is 1st century Christianity. Appreciation, respect, and adaptation of our pagan culture provides a bridge through which the incarnational life of Christ can flow from His church to the world. I am leery of "us versus them," insider versus outsider, mentality. It has proved dangerous time after time, from the treatment of the first church in Jerusalem toward Gentile believers to the treatment of protestant churches in America toward blacks and homosexuals.

In light of what the 1st century church may have done right and what the 20th century church has done wrong, the question that emerging Christianity continues to ask is what does it mean to be a follower of Jesus Christ in the 21st century? In other words, so, now what?

Celtic Music Night

2006-03-06T16:18:00.000-06:00

Saturday, March 11, the Alexandria Zoo will be hosting Celtic Music Night from 6-10pm. Admission is $5. See the flyer here.

A Generous View of Life

2006-03-05T10:55:00.000-06:00

The feeling comes across that these are people who are driven by ideas. - Professor Martin Carver

I ran across this quote describing Irish monks in an article recommended by a reader entitled The Long Search by William Dalrymple that disusses Celtic Spirituality and its origins. Believing the quote to be an appropriate description, I understand the more why I am drawn to Celtic spirituality. While I believe that we should ultimately be driven by our passion to know Christ and make Him known, the question then becomes, "how do we do that?". I have believed and have come to know that living with a closed mind, convinced that your worldview is the sole repository of truth, displays a limited profile of the wonderful fullness that is the body of Christ. We need a wide-angle lens for this panoramic view of God in Christ reconciling the world to Himself. In that respect it is life changing and life giving to be "driven by ideas."

I understand that to be driven by ideas means to be driven by possibilities. I much prefer to live in a dynamic world of optimism rather that the static world of pessimism. Few things thrill my soul as much as ideas. I am intoxicated by wonder. I cannot fathom the lives of those who never change or never aspire to be better than what they are. These Irish monks fascinate me. For while they lived contemplative lives, they were very missional, treking to the far corners of the world bringing books and ideas back with them. The worth of other people and cultures is valued as means through which God can teach us something about Himself. This is evident in the Prayer of St. Patrick included in the Morning Prayer:

This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;
in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.

Some quotes from the article that describe well the distinctives of Celtic Spirituality bear including here:

"Celtic Christianity was less authoritarian, more colourful , more in touch with nature than that practised elsewhere in Catholic Europe." Gilbert Markus

"You have I think a much less hierarchical approach …I think they had a more generous view of God…you get this sense of belonging to a great party where God is dancing, and I think Patrick's creed sums that up beautifully." Martin Palmer

"Celtic Christianity had a certain vitality, a simplicity and a faithfulness that is what people wish they could find in the Church today." Andy Raine, Northumbria Community

"People do not trust institutions that have hidden agendas and try to standardise and fit you into their structures, in a way that violates something that with, is within you. And I think in the Celtic tradition, there is this tremendous sense of the presence of God in all creation, There is also a strong emphasis on the contemplative, which appeals to people who just can't cope with the overload of modern society. And there is also I think specially from the Irish mission, a, going with the flow so that there's a sense of life and Christianity being about a journey, in which every day is fresh." William Dalrymple

"This was a more collective form of Christianity. It was a more gentle kind of Christianity. It didn't try to solve everything. It quite liked to leave mysteries for people to ponder on, rather than solutions, which gave you an answer." Martin Palmer

I pray that we all have a "generous view of God," but also that we have a generous view of life, that we live with eyes wide open to wonder and hearts bowed in thankfulness.

The Underground Seminary

2006-03-01T21:50:00.000-06:00

I'd like to express my appreciation to my friends at Sling n' Stone for giving me the opportunity to be a contributor to the new Underground Seminary. They are creating a unique online resource for emerging/missional/postmodern communities and fellowships to pool resources and ideas to share with others on the journey. I strongly encourage you to visit their site and "unlearn what you have learned." If you have articles/info that you'd like to share, please contact one of the team members. We'd love to learn from you!

Is It Time to Reboot?

2006-02-13T23:05:00.000-06:00

In the cult classic The Matrix one of the Zionists, Cypher, struck a deal to be reinserted into the Matrix in exchange for giving up Morpheus and Zion. While we would like to judge Cypher as a traitor and sell-out, there are times when we understand, if not covet, his decision to choose ignorance. We have heard it said that with knowledge comes responsibility. To live a life "unplugged from the machine" is a dangerous life of uncertainty. There are times when those responsibilities and uncertainties weigh so heavy upon our minds that the "unexamined life," i.e. ignorant bliss, seems indeed worth living.

When we choose to leave the comforts of tradition and the simplicity of easy answers, we must unlearn what we have learned in order to grow. The question then becomes can you unlearn what you have now learned? Can you close your eyes and wake up in your bed in Kansas once you've seen Oz? Can you really be reinserted into the Matrix? Cypher realized the only way the Matrix could ever bring joy again was if he were to lose all memory of Zion. You see, the only way you can go back to the way things were is to lose all memory that things could be different, but we do not have the luxury of a delete key for our minds.

The book of Hebrews cautions us against turning our back on the unmerited grace of God expressed in the cross and settling once again for the vain traditions of men. "If we give up and turn our backs on all we've learned, all we've been given, all the truth we now know, we repudiate Christ's sacrifice and are left on our own to face the Judgement," (Heb. 10:26-27 The Message). For me the point comes down to this: who opened your eyes? If we have been disillusioned by a fad, we must turn back in repentance, but if it is God who has revealed truth to us that transcends culture and tradition, we cannot, we must not, give up or give in to resistance, to loneliness, or to fear. "Remember those early days after you first saw the light? Those were hard times! But you need to stick it out, staying with God's plan so you'll be there for the promised completion. We're not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We'll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way," (Heb. 10:32, 36, 39).

I wonder what John did after he received a vision of Jesus while on the isle of Patmos. How do you go back to business as usual after seeing things indescribable for human eyes and words? Fortunately, we know what he did. He wrote it down and shared it with others who were tempted to give in and turn back under the weight of Roman persecution. His was a call to worship that began with a call to community. I don't believe we have been called to fill Colesiums with spectators but rather to nurture pockets of community wherever we find them. I think we have a responsibility to worship Him, to call others to worship, to be faithful, and to listen. I don't believe the Revelation is intended to prepare apocalyptic underground churches for end times. I think it is God's instructions for Christ followers to live as spiritual subversives in Biblical community amid a world of empires.

In that context we understand why these are "hard times" for those who operate counter to the culture. We should spend less time trying to unplug the blissfully ignorant and spend ourselves trying to find those who are restless, alone, and wondering with eyes wide open. In finding them I believe we find ourselves again, and Zion will no longer seem such a lonely place.

Renovare Covenant Retreat

2006-02-01T00:06:00.000-06:00

Several readers of my blog have expressed an interest in Celtic Spirituality and Celtic Daily Prayer, in particular. I thought it should be worth sharing that I received information today with CD's I ordered from Renovare, Celtic Daily Prayer and Waymarks, about the Renovare Covenant Retreat in Winter Park, Colorado on July 16-20, 2006. Along with Richard Foster, special guests will be Roy Searle, Gayle-Anne Drury, and Jeff & Jill Sutheran from the Northumbria Community. The focus of the retreat is "Solitude and the Way of the Heart: Mark 1:35-37." It's early yet, and I don't know if my schedule will allow me to attend. Beside the fact, that I feel like such a spiritual novice, especially in Celtic Spirituality, that I believe I would be intimated in such great company. I hope that you will visit their site for more details, if it is of interest to you.

Fan-atic Anyone?

2006-01-27T12:34:00.000-06:00

Feel the (Honda-Powered) Force
Like many a Star Wars fan, Shawn Crosby (AKA “Obi-Shawn”) dared to dream the impossible: to own his own A-Wing starfighter. Okay, so he couldn’t afford that particular piece of spacecraft, but he was able to transform his Honda Del Sol into something he calls the “H-Wing.” Equipped with its own R2-D2 unit and blasters made of aluminum baseball bats, this ultimate geek ride gets quite a bit of attention whenever he drives it. “Most of the police have a lot of fun with it and generally don’t ticket me,” Shawn revealed. “But R2D2 gets all the chicks.” - from g4tv.com

Brown Emerges But Leaves No Clue

2006-01-27T09:19:00.000-06:00

Aaron Brown, former CNN host of NewsNight, emerged from the abyss of cancellation recently in a public speech highlighted in this article, "Broadcaster says serious news at risk." Many Brown fans, myself included, have seen hide nor hair of him since his departure from CNN and have been on the lookout for where he might go next. This article is the first inside look at his personal take on the business as a whole since leaving the network. I personally found Brown's style of broadcast journalism inviting and balanced. He made the viewers feel like they were at his table drinking coffee engaged in a dialogue on the issues. After hearing from so many pundits throughout the cycle of the news day, NewsNight was always a refreshing commentary in the evening to gain a perspective on the day. While the article gave no insight into where Brown's career might take him, we will keep our eyes and ears open. Good luck, Aaron!

A Candlelight Prayer

2006-01-20T22:23:00.000-06:00

Lighten our darkness,
Lord, we pray,
and in your great mercy
defend us from all perils and dangers of this night,
for the love of your only Son,
our Saviour Jesus Christ.

- from rejesus, "Taking Steps of Faith"

Yuletide Hypocrisy Lingers Past Epiphany

2006-01-16T20:17:00.000-06:00

My wife asked me if I needed help picking up my jaw during our Sunday morning drive to church. It had literally dropped when she read the elementary school marquee aloud to me. It read "Great Americans' Day, January 16, School Closed." I suppose that I should not have been so taken back considering we were driving through a small rural town in Central Louisiana, but I was stunned and saddened. A number of thoughts came to mind.

I wondered if the schools on the west end of the parish in the predominantly black parish seat displayed "Great Americans' Day." Somehow I doubt it. I have yet to understand how one school principal has the authority to single handedly change a federal holiday adopted by Congress in 1983, signed by Pres. Ronald Reagan into law, and ratified in the state of Louisiana as a paid holiday for state workers. Does redesignating the holiday at will imply that the school principal and staff wish to have the day off without pay?

It should be noted that Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Birthday is listed as a holiday on January 16, 2006 by the U.S. Postal Service, the U.S. House of Representatives, the White House, the LA State Department of Education, and neighboring parish school boards. "Great Americans' Day" is not a federal holiday, and a Google search lists few places that observe the day sometime in either February or March.

It is interesting to note that the same demographic residing in this rural community represent the same "Christian" segment of our population that protested the replacement of "Merry Christmas" with "Happy Holidays" only a few weeks earlier. No one should be forced to celebrate a holiday they do not believe in, but a public entity such as a school should not be used to promote a political agenda or practice "reverse political correctness," otherwise known as discrimination. An appropriate resolution might be to require the school principal and students to actually study the life and message of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a great American.

Celtic Daily Prayer

2006-01-09T10:58:00.000-06:00

The New Year has been a great opportunity to go deeper in my faith. It has had a tremendous psychological benefit to start fresh with new practices to strengthen my faith. My friends and I have been discussing the three major emphases of the emerging church, as I understand them: Inward Journey (spiritual formation), Corporate Journey (community formation), and Outward Journey (missional action). While we have committed to meet weekly in a small group environment to further our pursuit of Biblical community, we are also trying to hold each other accountable for the Inward Journey. All of us may be utilizing different devotional practices, but we are all united in making time with God a priority in our daily lives.

For a couple months I have been enjoying the online daily prayer site, Sacred Space, provided by the Irish Jesuits. My only reservation is that it is very short. I have felt compelled to join the tradition of so many other Christ followers in Morning and Evening prayer. There is something about the rhythm of devotion that is very meaningful to me. This led me to research Celtic Spirituality more, hoping to find something akin to the Book of Common Prayer used by our Anglican and Episcopal brethren. I discovered Celtic Daily Prayer which is prayer and readings from the Northumbria Community.

The Northumbria Community is actually a dispersed community with Companions all over the United Kingdom as well as internationally. They describe their community as "a conscious attempt to find a practical modern expression of a new monasticism, which preserves an uncompromising allegiance to the imperatives of the Sermon on the Mount." They are united by three fundamental commitments. The first common commitment is taking vows of "availability and vulnerability" both to God and others. The second commitment is to their "Rule, 'A Way for Living,' which embraces a dogged fidelity to the Sermon on the Mount as an expression of Christian discipleship." The third commitment is to pray the Daily Office.

The Daily Office is primarily marked by Morning and Evening Prayers, but they also include Midday Prayer and the Compline (bedtime) which are optional. I would spare you my inadequate description of the Daily Office and urge you to pray it for yourself for a day, a week, or a season, as a fresh approach to your own spiritual formation.

You may be wondering like myself, how a former Southern Baptist pastor came to a structured repetitious prayer life. For me my prayer life has never been disciplined. It has often been taken hostage by my feelings and the circumstances of the day. While my conversation with God has always been ongoing in whispers throughout the day, I have been craving a deeper walk with Him. These devotional practices predate our modern program Christianity by hundreds of years. Though I have been guilty of being dogmatic in my beliefs in the past, I am not so arrogant as to believe we all have it right and the saints of the ages had it all wrong. There is a measure of comfort and strength in walking down a well trodden path, when you know it leads to the garden.

I am not promoting anything to anyone, just sharing where I am in my own personal journey. Today is the first day since I received my copy of Celtic Daily Prayer that I have actually prayed the Daily Office completely from Morning to Midday to Evening to Compline. I want to encourage you to find whatever works for you. Whatever time using whatever tool that helps you to prioritize and realize your time spent with God. I share this old Celtic blessing as a prayer for you:

O God, make clear to us each road.
O God, make safe to us each step;
when we stumble, hold us;
when we fall, lift us up.
When we are hard-pressed with evil,
deliver us;
and bring us at last to Your glory.

Change for Louisiana?

2006-01-02T15:23:00.000-06:00

"We believe Gov. Kathleen Babineaux Blanco will announce she will not be a candidate for re-election." - Babs Zimmerman, KALB Newschannel 5, Alexandria, LA.

Aside from giving away dogs and cats, Babs Zimmerman shows up on KALB on occasion to opine on Louisiana politics and call election returns. She was all but giddy on live television the night Kathleen Blanco was leading Bobby Jindal in returns for Governor. Her political leanings are difficult to hide. That is why I find it all the more interesting that she predicted that Blanco will not run for re-election. I'm still not sure who "we" represents in the transcript of her on air segment to which I've linked. I would have to imagine she must have been near tears to make such a prediction, given her glee and optimism for Blanco's ascension. Time will prove whether she is right, but the ball has started rolling down hill once the Governor's most enthusiastic supporters join her opponents in declaring her political demise.

Will the Emerging Church Fully Emerge?

2006-01-01T21:14:00.000-06:00

"Will the Emerging Church Fully Emerge?" by Frank Viola is a thought provoking critique of the emerging church. He spotlights several areas that should be considered and engaged in dialogue. His repeated insistence on what I consider a "pure democracy" form of church polity is where I primarily disagree with him. Throughout scripture God called, equipped, and used individuals to lead His people. Several of the spiritual gifts demonstrated in the New Testament are gifts used for leadership in the body. I am in definite agreement that professional clergy have had a detrimental impact upon church health and growth and do not reflect the New Testament church model. However, there is a legitimate and needed spiritual office of leadership. Sometimes you can't help but wonder if Frank didn't have a really bad experience with a former pastor that completely soured him on pastoral ministry. Regardless, I appreciate his perspective because he challenges me to examine what I really believe about the kind of church that honors God.

Life Can Be Radically Different

2005-12-29T00:10:00.000-06:00

I've decided to do my personal Bible reading in The Message at least for 2006 if not indefinitely to further jar my senses from what I think I know about God. Today, I was reading in Mark 6 where Jesus sent out the Twelve in pairs. The passage really challenged me that our calling to be on Mission with Jesus is the same.

Missional is a buzz word that you often see affiliated with Emerging Christianity. The three passions of EC that attract me the most are: spiritual formation, community formation, and missional action. I think Jesus' commission of the Twelve really breaks down the missional component for me. I love the simplicity of Jesus' plan. Listen to His instructions:

"Don't think you need a lot of extra equipment for this. You are the equipment. No special appeals for funds. Keep it simple. And no luxury inns. Get a modest place and be content there until you leave. If you're not welcomed, not listened to, quietly withdraw. Don't make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way."

That so describes the type of relational evangelism and community formation that I believe we are called to fulfill. No extra equipment, no fundraisers, no gimmicks, no luxury, no sales pitch, etc. Just be the you God made you to be. Be content. Be humble.

Verse 12 really describes our calling: "Then they were on the road. They preached with joyful urgency that life can be radically different." We are definitely on a journey without a particular destination in sight, other than to follow our Guide. The simplest description of our task is to live and preach "with joyful urgency that life can be radically different." That's it. We're not pushing a denomination or a religion, no list of rules, just hope. There is a another Way, a better Way, to live.

I love that in the wake of their journey they left lives touched by the grace of God. "They sent demons packing; they brought wellness to the sick, anointing their bodies, healing their spirits." That is such a beautiful description of the end product of living on mission with Jesus and following His lead. Darkness is dispersed and lives are made whole, not the least of which are our own.

I hope and pray that we may never assume to be more than we are and that we hold out hope to the world that life can be radically different. We have no greater proof than the difference He makes in our lives.

Organic Church

2005-12-27T12:58:00.000-06:00

Next Wave has a great interview with Neil Cole discussing the Organic Church. Cole's recent book on the same subject is entitled Organic Church, Growing Faith Where Life Happens. He says you can't buy a church or set it up using a cookie-cutter approach. Rather he emphasizes replicating DNA in communities where lostness is evident and Christ is needed. He also has some great points on church finances in the Organic Church as it relates to staffing and ministry resources.

Life Cycle for Church Planting

2005-12-26T15:19:00.000-06:00

I wanted to share an article that I found at Missional International Church Network on "Starting Churches Missionally" by Neil Tibbott. In the article he describes a life cycle approach to church planting that he describes as "a more organic, spirit driven approach... that honors a process we can all learn from as we follow Christ together."

Lessons in the Gifts

2005-12-26T14:07:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the 21st century! Yes, I know it started six years ago, but I just got my first iPod for Christmas. I wanted an .mp3 player just so I can listen to my favorite music in my car while working. After doing my research and seeing the depletion of .mp3 players from store shelves leading up to Christmas, I came to only one conclusion. iPod is the way to go. I discovered that the 30GB iPod video/photo model was only $50 more than the 4GB iPod Nano. It became a no brainer for me. I realize it's bigger and has a hard drive versus a compact flash player, but it's perfect for me and way more storage than I need (I'll regret that statement in 3 years). With my new iPod I've also discovered the world of podcasting. Now that is first class.

We also got a junior tent, sleeping bags, lanterns, and the like for our two boys, in addition to other things. I did my fatherly duty of laying in the tent Christmas afternoon with my boys playing on top of me, making my outdoor nap a pipe dream. While laying there enjoying the lazy sun and cool breeze, I remembered how fun it was to go camping as a kid and just be outdoors in general. For a split second I thought maybe I should buy a bigger tent and take my family camping. I'm still trying to psychoanalyze where that thought came from.

As I laid in the tent, I began to think about how opposite the two gifts were. The iPod represents the cutting edge of technology and the hottest trend, while the camping gear was definitely retro, even primitive, but I enjoyed them both. It reminded me of this conversation that we are having about emerging ecclesiology and the reality that in order to go forward sometimes you have to go backwards.

I have to come to believe that this new move of God among His people is paved with core truths of scripture tested in the authentic faith of the saints of the ages. I have long been fascinated by spiritual disciplines, early confessions of the Church, and simple practices of the first believers. It has been very reassuring to me to find so many of those engaged in this conversation on the same path back in time to find the roots of our Christian tradition. It reminds me of discussions we had in college (Louisiana College, Alumni 1999) trying to deliniate the traditions of the church and our own preconceived notions from what really happened in the Bible. Most of the people I have encountered in the emerging church are simply trying to know Christ more fully so that they might be more like Him in every area of their lives. I saw that they are encouraging friends of the emergent church to display the new emergent logos on their sites, books, conferences, etc., so here's my contribution for the time being:

While I had a precusory introduction to many of these ideas in college, I did not fully engage this dialogue until the fall of 2004. Since that time, I have begun reading the Bible differently. It is fresh again, and its boldness takes hold of me. I come to the words with an open mind reading with different lenses. I made the misunderstood comment several weeks ago in church that the longer I am a Christian the less answers I think I have. When I was younger and more indoctrinated, I had an answer for everything, and of course, there was only one right answer. Now, I am humbled in awe of the greatness of God, the love of Christ, and the nearness of the Spirit. It doesn't bother me to gladly tell someone, "I don't know." Over the years, I've learned to be content, even thrilled, with the mystery. I can be satisfied with not knowing because I know the One who knows, and He knows me.

Thank You

2005-12-25T20:05:00.000-06:00

A special thanks to our local paper, The Town Talk, for choosing to share my recent article, Speaking the Same Language, with their readers as a guest spot in the op-ed section on Christmas Day.

Christmas Hypocrisy

2005-12-24T16:02:00.000-06:00

An excerpt from an article "To save Christmas, change the date" by Charles C. Haynes, senior scholar at the First Amendment Center:

Because Christmas falls on Sunday this year, some prominent evangelical churches canceled worship services, expecting low attendance. This surprising turn of events might inspire Christian warriors fighting to "save Christmas" to rethink their strategy. Rather than condemn the "happy holiday" speck in Wal-Mart's eye, they might notice the Yule log in their own.

Well, worth a read. I'm not in the camp of rock throwers railing against churches that canceled some or all of their services for Christmas, but it is ironic that it is most likely those same parishoners and pastors who are protesting the omission of Christ from Christmas. Any way you slice it, it's hypocritcal.